So I'm in the middle of a visit from the Swagga
he's the guy I helped sneak into Coachella two years ago
this is the third time he's come to Texas to visit me since then
it's kinda nice to represent a whole state for this guy
he got here Thursday around 11pm
he called me and said he needed to run an errand when he got into Austin
He wanted to know if I wanted him to drop off his stuff at the house and then leave or come over later
I told him it doesn't matter and I asked if he wanted me to go with him
he said, "well I know you have to get up in the morning, I don't want to put you out."
I told him," Swagga as long as I don't drink I can stay up as late as I want."
his response was, "Tuna, who says we're not gonna drink."
ha ha I love my friends
this is gonna be fun
I get about 4 hours of sleep Thurs night
Friday Raul comes into town and we get in touch with Kurt Johnston
so now it's the four of us
the place that we meet Kurt is a coffee house
it's blues night
I felt a little weird for taking Swagga to a coffee house on a Friday night to listen to blues in Austin
he's more a man of action than that
but what sold me is that since it was gonna be four dudes hanging out we needed some lovely ladies to hang out with
and Kurt said the girl guy ratio was 3 to 1
it was very "different"
first off this place looks like and is about the size of a subway restaurant
when we get in there they're playing some blues
and just about everyone in the place is dancing
actually they're "dirty" dancing
I guess that's the only way to dance the blues
and they're all sweating
making our way to the bar to order a drink felt like being surrounded by insects
they were all moving and swaying all over the place
sometimes you had to join the dance just to maneuver around them
so we get our beer and sit down with Kurt
Swagga then learned the beautiful joy that is the beer, Lone Star
I've been on a huge Lone Star kick because they're cheap and I'm always broke
he's never had a Lone Star and was jealous that California doesn't have it's own beer
just another great thing about Texas
by the way he loved this beer and hated Shiner Bock beer
the place we sat at just happens to be the "water table"
it's a watering hole for the dancers
they come over to this area all sweaty and rehydrate themselves
so this led to a lot of interaction with the dancers
it took no time for someone to ask me to dance
which is no surprise
but then I notice that someone asked Raul to dance
that was a surprise
then I look to my right and Kurt is dancing
then to my left the Swagga is dancing
so we're all dirty dancing
so basically all the girls are here to dance and they try to dance with a different guy every song
that's what one dancer told me
then she said that they are all followers which means it's ad-lib dancing
they're all trained to follow the guys' leads no matter how they dance or what moves they do
there are a few rules:
1) No beer on the dance floor. You spill your beer on the floor not on the girls.
2)Whenever you grind you do it on the chest. Never touch your crotch to theirs.
3)Don't ask for phone numbers. Not only will you get turned down on a possible second dance but hookups are no nos.
now if you know anything about me I don't like rules
so here are a few things I did to shake the place up:
I told a girl she looks like Molly Shannon from SNL
she got so pissed she walked away from me
I told one girl that she was tiny
she almost walked away from me while we were dancing
at the bar I loudly told Kurt I wanted to dance with a man
he pointed to a guy next to us at the bar and said," why don't you ask him."
I turned and looked at the guy and smiled
he couldn't pay for his beer fast enough and get out of there
I lost my scarf and asked a couple who took my seat if they were sitting on my scarf
when they got up to look and said no I asked them, "do you want to?"
they just stared at me
when we were leaving instead of grabbing the girls head to lean it towards me so I could kiss her forehead I accidentally gave her a legitimate thumb to the eye
we left it at that and left because Swagga was getting bored and he was frustrated with all these damn rules
Swagga looks like a football jock and talks like a surfer dude
and he's a fuck machine
Raul is not on the other hand and wanted to stay because of all the attention he was getting
but I talked him into leaving and we took Kurt with us
so we took Swagga to 6th street where he was surrounded with people
we stopped at the first bar we saw and got a few more drinks and a couple of shots
then I said let's go play with the zombies on 6th street
We got to talking about the seasons and season 3
Kurt came up with the idea that Swagga should do an intro to season three with some crack head on the street
you know, "welcome to season three!"
I loved it and we went looking for one
we got split up during a high five challenge
Kurt was with me helping me keep count
we came across a girl puking on the street
Kurt suggested I ask her
ha ha I declined
we ran into the Grim Reaper
it was a homeless man dressed up as the Grim Reaper with a black faceless hood
he would stand on a box and let people take pictures with him
pretty genius
So Kurt and I decided that he would be better than a crack addict
well he very well might be so it was a win win situation
while asking him about the intro he kept asking us what time it was
he was starting to panic
so I looked at my phone and told him 2:30 am
he jumped off his box and frantically tried to get his tip bucket
all he would say is the "horses are coming!"
apparently at two thirty Austin police sweeps the streets on horse and gets the area ready for the streets to re-open
so he's panicking because he's dead center in the street and one time he got knocked down and tangled in the horses and got pretty hurt
so now I'm trying to help and actually hurting because I didn't realize the tip bucket was strapped to him and now he's tangled
then he shouts "here they come!"
and when I turn to look I swear to god they looked like ring wraiths
I saw them turn the corner and they looked to be moving in slow motion through a fog
what a weird night I'm having
anyway we get in touch with Raul and Swagga and while waiting for them we hang with the reaper takes his mask off and I now I'm just hanging with a bum
Swagga and Raul get here now and we make the intro
we came up with a pretty good idea
since Kurt and Swagga aren't in the seasons they should do the intro
"I'm Kurt JOhnston and I'm the swagga!"
then the Grim Reaper says, "..and this is Season Three!!!"
he was supposed to say welcome to season three but oh well
while eating street pizza Swagga make a pretty funny observation
he noticed the streets are shut down early in the night and opened up later whenever everyone is the drunkest
he said," good everyone's drunk now, let in the cars!"
then Swagga met some girl who was down in her life
he asked her what was wrong
she said she had been assaulted
so he asked her to tell him the story
then he told her to finish it with," Welcome to Season 3!!!"
man we laughed the whole way back to the car
man what a great night
I had to be at work at 5am
and it was now 4:20 am
