F you Johnny Winter

So myself and Sharpie are currently in a contest with Kate the Great, Tyson and Cyrus

Sharpie and I rented a house and so did the Morton trio

so it's house versus house

the contest is for the coolest house set up

the winning house will host the 2010 New Years Eve party

the judges are Carrie, Gentleman, and Raul

we have until November to fix it up the best we can since they're both fixer uppers

I've actually been watering my lawn these past few weeks

I got excited when I saw that there was rain in the forecast

well I am gonna be 35 this year

I guess at some point I would worry about my lawn

just kidding, I only care because I wanna kick the Morton's asses since it's 3 on 2

So I was thinking, I have an awesome picture of Stone Cold that I took

and I've never done anything with it

so I thought I'd blow it up and hang it somewhere in the house if not my room

I'd need to go to Raul's to get the pic cause I have the small version of it

I thought, too bad Raul can't blow it up for me

then I thought of this gem of a story that I had forgotten about

it's the last time I had Raul blow up pictures for me


So it's 1994 and Raul is 19 and I'm 20

we are both in a speech class at Victoria College

one of our assignments is to give a speech using visual aids

of course I go on the last day and wait to the night before to think of my speech

I was really heavy into blues at this time, so I picked that as my subject

to narrow it down I picked the subject of Texas blues using posters of Texas Blues men

I had a book that talked about the subject

Raul worked at the Student Center and said he could blow up the pictures there

So I gave him blue poster boards (for the blues, get it?)

he would make the copies that night and bring them with him to class in the morning

I marked the pictures for him to copy and prepared my speech that night

the next day in class he hands me the posters

I look over them and to my disgust none of them were the pictures I picked

I'm not sure how this happened but I'm sure it was my fault (Raul will never admit to fucking anything up)

He blew up the wrong pictures

so there were only two speeches that day, the last two speeches of the class

I'm on next

now none of my notes are any good

basically I'm being called up and I have a handful of Blues men I know very little about because they're all fucking no name Texas blues men

Luckily one of them is BB King

I do recall while not a Texan, King spent a lot of time in Texas

so I start with him

the rest I make up hoping that none of the students are blues experts

I then flip through the pictures during my speech and then a man by the name Johnny Winters pops up

I hate Johnny Winters

He's an albino white Texas blues guy

he's got a terrible voice and only plays slide guitar

now don't get me wrong I like slide guitar just fine

just not all the time

that's why I love my man Clapton

he gives you just enough slide guitar

he gives you enough of everything

so I unwillingly give my speech on Johnny Winter

anyway I finish my fake speech with fake facts and look to see if I'm being challenged by anyone in the class

everyone is just looking at me and I take my seat

later I get my grade paper

I saw more writing on it than usual

so I'm thinking, shit, she knows I got my facts wrong

but instead it's a comment that reads, " Last year my husband and I went on a cruise and there was a blues night on the boat. Very interesting subject, Vincent. Great speech."

I think I got a B because I kept saying "um"

it could have been worse

I could have kept saying "I guess" at the end of every sentence

I'll have the Stone Cold picture blown up professionally this time

and if I every meet Johnny Winters I'm gonna punch him right in the mouth

then stand over his body while pointing down at him and say," that's for making me do a speech on you in 1994!"