Worst House Sitter Ever...

It seems like it's been a while since I've told a story on here

I've just been posting random shit on this site

I mean, what's up with that dead bird?

anyway, I've been cracking up thinking about this story in my head


it happened last year

I was unemployed

and money was tight

I took on some odd jobs

 I mean, I was actually out in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart in Austin handing out samples of yogurt

am I pronouncing that right?

yo-gurt?

yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt?

sorry

 so, my brother was going on holiday in New York

he needed someone to babysit his animals

two cats

a fish

and a little doggie

he said he would pay me

100 monies

for 4 days of work

my brother lives with his in-laws

and they were all going on this trip

he told me that I could watch the animals there at that house

or pack up the dog and take him with me if I leave

so I show up and get hit with a new proposition

his mother in law would now like me to spend most of the time sitting the house as well

she asked me to do the little chores around the house

like take the trash out

clean the litter box

and above all else

water her plants

she gave me very specific instructions on the watering steps

I wasn't too happy taking on these new responsibilities

I'll kill a man for my brother

and for a foot long meatball sub

but I have difficulties being motivated helping "outsiders"

what was I gonna say?

no?

besides, they blindsided me with this new offer

plus, the mom said she'd pay me an extra 50 bucks for my troubles

before they all headed out

I got detailed instructions on how to use the house alarm

so, now they're gone and I'm watching my brother's tv

in a room that's not mine

throughout the week, I go back and forth from that house to my apartment

one of the times I was away the alarm went off

since no one was at the house, the cops were called

and the mom was called in New York

my brother calls and asks if everything is alright

I tell him I wasn't at the house

he asks if I could go by and check on it

I do and find nothing wrong

one of the cats must have set it off

on day two it rains pretty good

so I decide not to water the plants on the porch

in the meantime, I've been changing the litter boxes daily

and feeding the fish

I leave the house again but notice while I was out in the backyard I let a bee in

I think nothing of it

and head to my apartment

well, that little stripped bastard kept flying into the sensor in the upper corner and set off the house alarm again

the cops and the family are called again

my brother calls and asks if everything was alright

I tell him I didn't know

I wasn't at the house

he goes on to tell me that they only get a few false alarms a year

and they were over the limit

so they were gonna get charged 200 bucks for this now

I was talking to my brother on the back porch  of the house I was sitting

and I noticed that all the plants looked pretty shitty

they were all dying

so I started to water them

but on the day the New York crew was coming back those damn plants were dead, son

I had to lean the flowers against each other to hold them up

also, it wasn't enough to just empty the litter box

I needed to replace the whole thing every other day

I did not know this

and now the whole house smelled like cat pee and shit

so when the gang got back,

I had let the lady's plants die

the house smelled like shit

and I cost them 200 buck in false alarms

I never got my money from the mom

can you blame her

but I'll say one thing

at least the fish was still alive