I'm trying to get back into writing more stories on this thing
My new phone flashes pictures of my contacts and friends
a picture of a guy that I know flashed and I was reminded of a pretty good story
as usual
the following is true
I've had many drinking partners back in the day
one of them was a guy named Michael Garcia
we were known to drink the shit out of some beer
and we killed a bottle or two of whiskey back in the day
one night, Mikey and I were in my den, swimming
we got a call from Ryan
Ryan was a big hoss of a man
probably over 6 feet
large frame
but had a baby face
he was a nice guy
but you didn't want to piss him off
he told us a story of a guy he got into an argument with at a corner store
it turned into a fist fight
Ryan knocked him out cold
Ryan had to drag this guy's unconscious body out from the path of his pickup truck so he could leave
anyway, Ryan calls us up and asks us if we're hanging out
we tell him we were and to come to the den
Ryan shows up and it's now the three of us drinking Jack Daniels
Ryan was cool with us, but he was just a kid
not even 21 yet
we proceed to kill a bottle of Jack Daniels
Ryan is fucked up
Mikey and I are barely phased
we know that Ryan has to go home at some point
Ryan being only 20 still lived with his mom
now, Mikey and I being the upstanding citizens that we are, knew we could not let Ryan go home in this condition
so our brilliant plan was
to take him to Whataburger
the three of us pile in Mikey's car and head down the road
now, I'm not sure if you guys are familiar with the clientele of Whataburger but at 1 am it's crawling with either cops or drunks
this night, it happened to be cops
the drivethru was packed so we were sitting in the car in the parking lot trying to decide if Ryan was in any condition to go inside
it didn't take long for us to realize Ryan was way intoxicated
he got even drunker on the short drive to Whataburger
he tells us that he has to piss badly
we tell him that's not a good idea
he's fucked up, underage, and about to walk into a restaurant crawling with cops
he said he's "straight"
we tell him to walk straight, go inside, piss, and come right out
he agrees
we get out of the car
Ryan does the weirdest standing up straight and walking sober I've ever seen
it looked like John Wayne walking on a floor slightly crooked
and John Wayne walked with a bend already
Mikey and I stand outside in sure panic as we watch Ryan walk in sideways
the cops glance at him but pay him no mind
Mikey and I are standing outside waiting for Ryan to come out
he never comes out
I send Mikey inside to go check on him
I wait
Mikey goes into the restroom and comes out immediately
he motions me to come into the restroom with him
as I enter the restaurant, Mikey tells me, "you gotta see this..."
I go in and see Ryan standing over the restroom sink
a solid stream of vomit is coming out of his mouth directly into the sink
it is not stopping
it's not only liquor, it's also chucks and chunks of food
it's clogging up the sink
the sink is starting to overflow
Mikey is laughing and frankly so is Ryan
in between hurls
I'm panicking
thinking how are we going to get Ryan out of here
and also what happens if a cop comes in here and sees this
Ryan does something next that I will take to my grave with me
he tries to unclog the sink with his hand
his hand is in a sink full of vomit that he's trying to clear by stirring it
and he's still vomiting in it
Mikey is in tears in the corner from laughing so hard
I'm yelling at Ryan to take his hand out of the sink and for Mikey to be quite
Ryan stops vomiting eventually
we take him to the next sink and clean him up
when we think we've done a good enough job we leave the restroom
with a sink and floor full of vomit
amazingly, not one cop went to the restroom while we were in there
we get in the car and flee the scene of the crime
we still have to get Ryan home
so, Mikey agrees to drive Ryan's truck and I follow along in mine
when we get to Ryan's house Mikey helps him out of the truck
helps him to the door and then runs to my truck and we get the hell out of there
when we next saw Ryan he told us his mom saw us drop him off and haul ass out of there
I believe that was first and last time ever called us up and asked to come drinking with us
he only hung out with us once, he almost got poisoned, arrested, and nearly died
I believe that was a Wednesday
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