A Sturgis Story

So it's night number four in South Dakota

I've been connected to Raul and Sharpie for the past four days like one of those episodes where we accidently glued ourselfs to each other

and we have been hitting it hard for the past four days thanks to Duper

he kept us on a crazy schedule that started in the morning and ended in the morning

We closed down every bar we went to

at the end of the night it was only the four of us and the people who work in the bar

I don't think I've ever seen the sun come up that many consecutive days in a row

now on our last night we're in the car drinking like we're all 17 again

because we ran out of money and needed to save what we had to get home

we're in the parking lot of the largest bar I've been to in my life

we were gonna call it a night early because Duper had to go back to work the next day and we were tired and broke

he talked us into going to the car and drinking the bottle we had bought earlier because his girlfriend was on her way to meet us this night (the only night she can party with us)

he wouldn't let us leave

when she gets there Duper and Raul are ready to go back into the bar (I can't blame them it was like a phycho circus, this was Sturgis all the way baby)

Sharpie and I stay behind because we actually started having fun just hanging out in the car and we weren't quite drunk yet

now picture this I'm in the front passenger seat and Sharpie is sitting directly behind me in the back passenger seat

we're both gonna rent a house and be roommates officially for the first time

Sharpie starts talking about how excited he is about the house

then he asks something that surprises me

this is how the conversation goes at this point:

Sharpie " Hey Tuna, do you think The Madnes will see our house?"

V "I don't think so Sharpie, he's gonna be pretty busy now and we only have a year before I head off."

Sharpie " How's he doing? Do you talk to him?"

V " Yeah we keep in touch, he's doing fine."

Sharpie " you know something tuna, I think I miss him."

V "Do ya?"

Sharpie " Yeah, it's funny because he wasn't the loudest, the craziest, or the most flashy person around, I always got along with him though. I do miss him."

V " yeah I know what you mean."

we left it at that then headed to this giant bar and proceeded to shut it down

we did not get Duper home early

I Have Never Seen that Before...

my time with the Gentleman is coming to an end real soon

we did 7 months together

Sharpie has already moved in with us and the three of us are all together for this last month

In August Sharpie and I will be roommates

this has been about 4 or 5 years in the making so it's very exciting

with my time being Gentleman's roommate I have to admit

it hasn't been a highlight of my life in any way

it's not Gentleman's fault

he is a funny, quirky guy

it's like having a cartoon as a roommate

it's mostly me

the Gentleman drinks alot and I think I'm starting to curb my wild nights

I've spent more time in my room reading while he has company

I've very particular who I drink with these days

I miss living alone to be honest

also I've been flat broke and that's no fun at all

when you're that broke you have very little options

so you can get stuck being a prisoner in your own house

since Gentleman is in the same boat he's more like a cell mate than a roommate

and like when I was in jail I just want to do my time and get out

again this is so unfair to Gentleman because he was a part of my worst days in Austin

but considering how little we had I guess we made the best of it

I can't say that we clicked that well either

I could never shake the feeling that he was someone else's friend and not mine

I guess there was a degree of unfamliarity

but he does enter that realm of being my roommate now

and it does take a special someone to do that

I'll always treat him like that

going into this new situation with Sharpie is already off to a nice start

Sharpie is family

I kinda have been living with him for the past 5 years anyway

I'm now full time

ha both at my job and with Sharpie

so hopefully the money won't be so tight

and I get weekends off

this will be my last year in TX so I couldn't think of another person, other than my other brother Rube, that I'd rather end it with

so now to tell a story that explains the title:

the other night I was hanging out with Gentleman drinking

we were both completely hammered

I was cracking him up pretty good

at one point he took a drink from his beer and I made him laugh hard

he couldn't swallow his beer

and he didn't want to spit it out

but he was cracking up silently

he had his feet on the table in front of the couch

so his ass was kinda pointing out

he then started farting

and because he was cracking up he was moving up in down like he was laughing

and his farts had pauses in them like they were laughs

I made a grown man laugh out of his ass

I told him I'd never seen that before

when he recovered he said He'd never done that before

Adventures Pants

so I've been going on hikes a lot lately

I love to go off the path and just get lost

some paths it's illegal to stray so those aren't so much fun

I'm really enjoying this and it's good for me

as a matter of fact

I have the next 4 days off

now the old V would have drank all 4 days with the climax being the Clapton concert

but since I've been working out regularly and hiking it seems kinda counterproductive

I will drink when I'm there with EC but not before

I wanna kinda start getting into some heavy Hiking

I've got my sights set on Seattle after about a year here in austin

it looks like there's all kinds of outdoor stuff out there

skiing hiking rock climbing

so there's a REI store in Austin

they specialize in outdoorsy stuff

I went to their website and was looking through their gear

I found something called adventures pants

wow

they look just like normal pants

I then thought assless pants

now those are adventure pants

I was gonna post a picture of assless pants but they were mostly dudes

so instead I looked up the definition

according to Urban Dictionary assless pants are: similar to chaps, but more like regular pants with the asses cut out

but the funny thing is it goes on to say that David Lee Roth constantly wore assless pants

it made it seem like Urban Dictionary and David Lee Roth were friends and Urban Dictionary
was tired of those damn assless pants

No, I am Legend!

so let me explain the differences between the master control gig that I do now in Austin vs the gig I had in Victoria tx

basically there's no supervision

in Victoria the DOD (Director on Duty) was in charge of the MC operator

here it's just me myself and I

in Victoria we ran 6 stations

here theres only one

so needless to say it can get pretty boring

so after a couple of weeks I got a little bored and curious

and like Victoria there's nobody here on the weekend

so I went around the building looking for things

the first thing I found was a tv monitor

I set it up next to the cbs monitor

I guess I was used to mutiple monitors

I put a paper clip on the back and was able to get local channels

the coolest was fox on sundays

family guy and simpsons and all that jazz

and since there's a computer here I write more blogs

Paulie said it sounded like that movie I am Legend

I go looking for food when I can but I have to be back in the room by dark

because they come out at dark

there is one other person here

the engineer but he's more like my dog in that movie

wait I'd better not call him that

he's middle eastern and speaks with a heavy accent

the last person to call him that he treatened to rape and kill (true story)

the next time I went out I went looking for speakers for the computer

I found some old ones and brought them back in my room

I made it back but just barely

my dog didn't however

I'll miss him forever

now after a few installs I now have video and sound

but instead of looking for other living people

I go to sites like hulu

to watch television

the commercials are right

it is evil

but I get to check out some wwe which this process is slowly weening me back

I had to to check out the Hart Dynasty

Paulie has been informing me on what's the haps so far in wwe

hmm that sounds familiar

he told me about the new Harts

it has Bret's only protege in it

I watched his match, they have Bret's screaming guitar as the open

but then the song starts to suck

I told Paulie it's like going into the garbage chute

it's cool at first but then youre deep in shit

I'm still quite not ready to be a fan again

if anyone is reading this please send help

Like the Fly Said While Crossing Over a Mirror, That's One Way of Looking at it

so I was at my favorite bookstore and came across a magazine

at first glance I thought it was Gary Oldman on the cover (you know Commisioner Gordon)

so I say to myself, "Damn, Gary Oldman looks like shit!"

upon closer inspection I realize that it's a picture of Mickey Rourke (you know, The Wrestler)

then I tought, "Damn, Mickey Rourke looks pretty good

this is kinda what the cover looked like:

Houston VS the Big V The Re-Match

so the last time I was in Houston I went to jail

I didn't write about it because I made a documentary instead

but I was in jail for 4 days

yeah most people go to jail and they're out in the morning

I was there so long I got a visitor

so get this

in two weeks I'm going back

to the same arena that I was in hours before I went to jail

and the three people I'm going with were there when it happened

it's the Clapton concert

the last time I saw Clapton live I raised some SERIOUS hell on the River Walk

you had to be there to understand how much hell we're talking here

anyway we're staying at a nice hotel and it will be a blast

jail or not

good luck Houston

I'm looking for a little payback

"Whenever you make a mistake or get knocked down by life, don't look back at it too long. Mistakes are life's way of teaching you. Your capacity for occasional blunders is inseparable from your capacity to reach your goals. No one wins them all, and your failures, when they happen, are just part of your growth. Shake off your blunders. How will you know your limits whithout an occasional failure? Never quit. Your turn will come."

-Og Mandino

A Family Reunion

now keep in mind this story takes place 3 days after I was mauled by a giant

back in the day the family(Carrie KAte Chris and myself) used have the hardest time taking a picture with all four of us in it

it was a while before that actually happened

now and days its even harder for the four of us to actually be in the same room together

but one Friday that happend

it was a nice reunion

Family core was there as well as Gentleman Tyson and Raul

here's a quicky:

Gentleman gave me a hug in the kitchen and while he was walking back to the table I kept staring at him

all of a sudden his legs went wobbley kinda like the scarecrow learning to walk

he almost fell out of the window

he yells" what the hell was that?"
"My legs stopped working, I almost fell out of the goddamn window!"

he turned around I was still staring at him

he said, "did you do that?"

Sharpie says "probably, me and Tuna have that power."

I denied it

anyway everything was going great

Tyson wanted me to buy the Hurricane beers

I did and it made the Gentleman cringe

the usual happened but then all over a sudden it got wild

Raul went nuts

he just got really drunk and snapped

what he was doing was going around and grabbing people

a little inapproriately

it was like he worked at a doorknob factory and was the inspector

and his hair was all frizzed out and out of control

it made him look like a savage beast

at one point he grabbed me by the waist and lifted me straight up, then fell back with me in the air

in the wrestling world this move is called a flap jack it looks like this:
he did it with out the second guy

anyway Tyson said while I was in the air I looked at them and said,"oh this is gonna hurt"

KAte said I never dropped my beer

If my bones already were not powder they would have definitely broken

anyway he got out of the house and I chased him down

he knocked me around and just about all of my wounds re-opened

that was the first time I was bleeding out of the same wounds

later I got scabs on my scabs

anyway I had everyone go into the rooms

KAte Tyson and Sharpie were in my room

I told them,"when I leave, shut this door, and no matter what you hear don't open it."

they agreed then Kate tells me they looked for the shotgun

they were afraid that I took it out with me

ha ha ha could you imagine

you hear a shotgun blast and then I come back and say"ok you can come out now"

man could you imagine all the blood and hair that would leave

but they were curious and and they would crack the door

Raul would see them and make a break for them

I would keep him away

and got tossed around in the process

it was a nightmare

next day the hurricane had hit Tyson pretty bad

we went down a road with a beautiful view

we all sighed and took in the view, Tyson needed to throw us so we pulled over

I can just imagine the picture of that beautiful view with Tyson leaning over and puking

anyway Gentleman was driving and that's when we found out how bad a driver he is

his turns were making Tyson sicker

Kate said" Gentleman you're a horible driver, I wish Erik was driving "

that's pretty bad

if you knew how much Kate dislikes The Madnes' driving

anyway my Wolverine recovering powers kicked in and I was 100% in the next few days