I Have a Dennis Hopper Story

So, I'm not gonna sit here and pretend to be a Dennis Hopper fan

cause I'm not

but I do rescpect the hell raisers

and those who make life just a little more exciting

so I went to a midnight movie a few months ago

Mad Dog Morgan

the director was there and was telling stories about the making of the flick

it starred a young Dennis Hopper

one story in particular made me smile

the director said that Dennis was doing so many drugs and drinking so heavily

that he began to think Dennis would not live to the end of production

so they came up with a brilliant plan

they shot all the close up shots with Dennis first

then they had a Dennis Hopper mask made

it would be in the event that Hopper died

when casting the mask Hopper asks what the mask is for

the director made a scene up on the spot

he said," there's a scene where you're riding on the streets and you look up to see yourself staring at you from a window."

then the room explodes and you ride off

Dennis said "far out."

of course that would never be filmed

well the shooting wrapped up and everyone was cleared to go home

then Dennis asked the director about that scene with the mask

the director had no choice but to call everyone back in to shoot that scene

complete with explosion

great story

R.I.P.

White Girl Drunk II

Unlike the previous blog with that title

this one is not about me getting white girl drunk

so the other day I went to go see Robert Cray at Antones with my brother-in-law


great show

thanks for asking

while I was there I came across a sight I see quite often

I thought I'd make a few comments here

you see,

I'm an old soul when it comes to music

I like blues, soul, and r&b

and all that jazz

oh and jazz

I go to Clapton, BB King and Pink Floyd concerts

while I'm in the prime of my life

most of the fans that go to those type of shows are

how do I say this

aren't

so there are some older dudes that might take their kids

because there are some young peeps in the crowd

then there are the "ladies"

oh yeah!!!

the drunk white old ladies

I see them all the time at these shows

you know the ones that look like "a hot mess"

you can't tell who they're with

cause they're swaying and grinding in place

but no one will get up next to them

I have a couple of theories on these ladies

first is the "I haven't been home yet" lady

this is the one that is wearing the same outfit from work

you know that blue lady suit dress thing with a skirt

she has a drink after work and winds up at the Cray show

I bet she couldn't even name one Robert Cray song

actually neither could I

sorry Robert

then there's the "I live for this shit" lady

this is the one either knows Robert Cray or just loves Antones

or whatever venue she's at that night

she's the same age as the "I haven't been home yet" lady

but dresses like her daughter

actually I imagine she's home and right before her daughter comes home from school

she sneaks into her room and takes the trashiest outfit her daughter owns

mom probably bought it for her thinking "fuck yeah, I'll look hot in that at the Floyd show"

she changes on the spot and takes off for the pre-show to get her drink on

so now here I am in the back watching Robert Cray doing his thing


so now I see about 3 or 4 of them stacked in the crowd before me

there are 1 "I haven't been home yet" ladies

and 3 "I live for this shit" ladies

and of course there's a "I live for this shit" lady in front of me

this is my thought process:

"great an 'I live for this shit lady'"

"man, she's looking at me"

"Oh shit I bumped her head when I took a drink from my beer"

"oh no, she's turning around"

"she looks like a hot mess"

"she's saying she's sorry"

"she's squeezing my arm while applogizing"

"oh crap are you flexing, Vince?"

"Yeah, sorry it's a habit"

"stop it she's like 50"

"I know, I know I'm sorry"

meanwhile I'm missing this


then it cuts to the daughter going into her room

to see a dress suit skirt thingy on the floor

anyway, I ignore her and now I'm next to the "Who are you here with? No one man" man

he's the same age as the "I live for this shit" and "I haven't been home yet" ladies

and dresses like it

and has long hair

long grey hair

and loves Robert Cray

or blues

or just being out of the house

he starts to talk to me

at a concert

after a few minutes of bugging me

he sees the ladies

then says to me

"Now that's where I wanna be"

it was like a gross nature show

a "who are you here with? No one man" man woking his way into the crowd to dance with a "I haven't been home yet" and "I live for this shit" lady

anyway thanks Robert Cray, I love you!!!

My First Trip to CiCi's Pizza

Before I start please don't get offended

this entry is for shits and giggles

and if anything it highlights my limitations

enjoy:

So I live really close to the point where North Lamar intersects and goes past Hwy183

whenever you cross that barrier you are no longer in Austin TX

you are now in Mexico

well I kinda work over there and I was running some errands in that area

let me tell you some of the things I saw

you know how you see an old couch next to a dumpster sometimes

well someone had moved an old beat up couch next to a bus stop

because in Mexico there are no benches at the bus stop

just the sign post

I am so not kidding

I wish I could have taken a picture

a shitty couch right next to a bus stop sign

those are my people

the next sight was a hoot

I saw a lady coming out of a laundromat with a shopping cart

on top of the shopping cart was her basket of clothes

on top of the clothes

a baby

a real life baby

man I wish I had a damn camera

those are my people

anyway I hadn't had lunch yet and I saw a sign that read "Pizza Buffet 3.99!"

well I love pizza and I hadn't eaten yet

and that was quite a deal

I've never had Ci Ci's pizza before

but pizza is pizza

note:some pizza is pizza

it wasn't all bad but..

certain pizzas had a cheese like sauce instead of cheese

think of the marinara sauce

now replace that with cheese

anyway I walk into the place and it's packed

I've never seen so many shades of brown

it was like I walked into the locker room of the Ups drivers

just some brown people

like my friend Paulie said, "...man, they were Brown like Bad News Brown."



anyway I pay for the meal and pick out my pizza

at this point I notice every employee speaks broken English

they ask me," You ok?" as I'm looking at the pizza

it's at this time I notice the only pizza they have is pepperoni, cheese, or hamburger

later whenever I take the Swagger they branch off to a include a taco pizza (no joke)

I then realize I can't order anything because I doubt they'll know what a Hawaiian pizza is

I'd probably get a cinnamon roll

so then I sit down amongst my people

man I felt like a M&M

in a bag of M&M's

an employee busting tables looks up and says to a group of new customers walking in

"Hi, welcome to Ci Ci's!"

then comes up to me and asks me something in Spanish

I think he wants my empty plates

then asks me in Spanish if I want a refill

then looks at a group of new customers walking in and says

"Hi, welcome to Ci Ci's!"

then I'm thinking that must be the only english this guy knows

this is what the chapter must look like in the training manual in regards to English:


just one page there in that chapter

maybe I should have learned to speak Spanish

it's not my fault that as a kid I was surrounded by black people

Pebbles and Sand...

So lately I've been getting encouragement to try and publish my blogs

I kept all the previous ones and have them on a thumbdrive

I'm not sure why I kept them but I did

maybe I did think one day I would try to publish them

I have to admit

I am curious as to what would happen if a larger audience heard my story

but I'm overwhelmed

I don't know where to start

I'm out of my league here

I don't know where to start

and it won't be easy

but it does feel like I'm standing before my own doors to destiny

but right now all I see are pebbles and sand up close

when this is over hopefully I'll see the beach



stay tuned...

"The Batman...

or is it just Batman?
Your choice of course."-Selina Kyle, Batman Returns 1992

The funniest thing I've seen in a while...(He flips the kid ha ha ha)

The Swagga, Kurt Johnston, and The Grim Reaper

So I'm in the middle of a visit from the Swagga

he's the guy I helped sneak into Coachella two years ago

this is the third time he's come to Texas to visit me since then

it's kinda nice to represent a whole state for this guy

he got here Thursday around 11pm

he called me and said he needed to run an errand when he got into Austin

He wanted to know if I wanted him to drop off his stuff at the house and then leave or come over later

I told him it doesn't matter and I asked if he wanted me to go with him

he said, "well I know you have to get up in the morning, I don't want to put you out."

I told him," Swagga as long as I don't drink I can stay up as late as I want."

his response was, "Tuna, who says we're not gonna drink."

ha ha I love my friends

this is gonna be fun

I get about 4 hours of sleep Thurs night

Friday Raul comes into town and we get in touch with Kurt Johnston

so now it's the four of us

the place that we meet Kurt is a coffee house

it's blues night

I felt a little weird for taking Swagga to a coffee house on a Friday night to listen to blues in Austin

he's more a man of action than that

but what sold me is that since it was gonna be four dudes hanging out we needed some lovely ladies to hang out with

and Kurt said the girl guy ratio was 3 to 1

it was very "different"

first off this place looks like and is about the size of a subway restaurant

when we get in there they're playing some blues

and just about everyone in the place is dancing

actually they're "dirty" dancing

I guess that's the only way to dance the blues

and they're all sweating

making our way to the bar to order a drink felt like being surrounded by insects

they were all moving and swaying all over the place

sometimes you had to join the dance just to maneuver around them

so we get our beer and sit down with Kurt

Swagga then learned the beautiful joy that is the beer, Lone Star

I've been on a huge Lone Star kick because they're cheap and I'm always broke

he's never had a Lone Star and was jealous that California doesn't have it's own beer

just another great thing about Texas

by the way he loved this beer and hated Shiner Bock beer

the place we sat at just happens to be the "water table"

it's a watering hole for the dancers

they come over to this area all sweaty and rehydrate themselves

so this led to a lot of interaction with the dancers

it took no time for someone to ask me to dance

which is no surprise

but then I notice that someone asked Raul to dance

that was a surprise

then I look to my right and Kurt is dancing

then to my left the Swagga is dancing

so we're all dirty dancing

so basically all the girls are here to dance and they try to dance with a different guy every song

that's what one dancer told me

then she said that they are all followers which means it's ad-lib dancing

they're all trained to follow the guys' leads no matter how they dance or what moves they do

there are a few rules:
1) No beer on the dance floor. You spill your beer on the floor not on the girls.
2)Whenever you grind you do it on the chest. Never touch your crotch to theirs.
3)Don't ask for phone numbers. Not only will you get turned down on a possible second dance but hookups are no nos.

now if you know anything about me I don't like rules

so here are a few things I did to shake the place up:

I told a girl she looks like Molly Shannon from SNL

she got so pissed she walked away from me

I told one girl that she was tiny

she almost walked away from me while we were dancing

at the bar I loudly told Kurt I wanted to dance with a man

he pointed to a guy next to us at the bar and said," why don't you ask him."

I turned and looked at the guy and smiled

he couldn't pay for his beer fast enough and get out of there

I lost my scarf and asked a couple who took my seat if they were sitting on my scarf

when they got up to look and said no I asked them, "do you want to?"

they just stared at me

when we were leaving instead of grabbing the girls head to lean it towards me so I could kiss her forehead I accidentally gave her a legitimate thumb to the eye

we left it at that and left because Swagga was getting bored and he was frustrated with all these damn rules

Swagga looks like a football jock and talks like a surfer dude

and he's a fuck machine

Raul is not on the other hand and wanted to stay because of all the attention he was getting

but I talked him into leaving and we took Kurt with us

so we took Swagga to 6th street where he was surrounded with people

we stopped at the first bar we saw and got a few more drinks and a couple of shots

then I said let's go play with the zombies on 6th street

We got to talking about the seasons and season 3

Kurt came up with the idea that Swagga should do an intro to season three with some crack head on the street

you know, "welcome to season three!"

I loved it and we went looking for one

we got split up during a high five challenge

Kurt was with me helping me keep count

we came across a girl puking on the street

Kurt suggested I ask her

ha ha I declined

we ran into the Grim Reaper

it was a homeless man dressed up as the Grim Reaper with a black faceless hood

he would stand on a box and let people take pictures with him

pretty genius

So Kurt and I decided that he would be better than a crack addict

well he very well might be so it was a win win situation

while asking him about the intro he kept asking us what time it was

he was starting to panic

so I looked at my phone and told him 2:30 am

he jumped off his box and frantically tried to get his tip bucket

all he would say is the "horses are coming!"

apparently at two thirty Austin police sweeps the streets on horse and gets the area ready for the streets to re-open

so he's panicking because he's dead center in the street and one time he got knocked down and tangled in the horses and got pretty hurt

so now I'm trying to help and actually hurting because I didn't realize the tip bucket was strapped to him and now he's tangled

then he shouts "here they come!"

and when I turn to look I swear to god they looked like ring wraiths

I saw them turn the corner and they looked to be moving in slow motion through a fog

what a weird night I'm having

anyway we get in touch with Raul and Swagga and while waiting for them we hang with the reaper takes his mask off and I now I'm just hanging with a bum

Swagga and Raul get here now and we make the intro

we came up with a pretty good idea

since Kurt and Swagga aren't in the seasons they should do the intro

"I'm Kurt JOhnston and I'm the swagga!"

then the Grim Reaper says, "..and this is Season Three!!!"

he was supposed to say welcome to season three but oh well

while eating street pizza Swagga make a pretty funny observation

he noticed the streets are shut down early in the night and opened up later whenever everyone is the drunkest

he said," good everyone's drunk now, let in the cars!"

then Swagga met some girl who was down in her life

he asked her what was wrong

she said she had been assaulted

so he asked her to tell him the story

then he told her to finish it with," Welcome to Season 3!!!"

man we laughed the whole way back to the car

man what a great night

I had to be at work at 5am

and it was now 4:20 am

The Forgotten Blog

So due to a series of events I have been reminded of the fall carnival of 2007

this is a great forgotten story that has never been put in blog form

it's a good one

and it's all true

Ok so it's October 2007

Paul had mentioned that in Port Lavaca there is a fall carnival

for some reason I was all about it

I was stupid about going to this fall fun fare

but as usual I had double booked myself the sat that it came to town

I was supposed to co-host the Three Man Ego Trip's Dark Side of the Rainbow Halloween Party at the Den's backyard

but I didn't want to cancel the carnival

So during the Day I set up the back yard and in the early evening I called Raul and The Madness and invited them

So we drive to Port Lavaca and meet Paulie at the carnival

Erik mentions to me that he's been to theme parks but never to a carnival

I couldn't believe it

What a treat!!

ha ha just kidding

so when we get there me and Madness buy some tickets for the rides

I notice Raul and Paulie didn't buy any

so I called them on it

they said they don't ride rides

so Madness and I proceed to ride the rides

the first one was a hang gliding type ride

to ride it you had to lie on your stomach with you ass exposed in the air

Erik said, "I don't like this."

it held three people and after a while a little kid joined us


while waiting I joked that a doctor walks up behind us with a chart and asks, "Which one of you is Vincent?"

then I said, "What you can't tell?"

Erik laughed and reminded me there was a little boy next to me

after that one we get on a ride that swings like a pendulum until you're completely upside down

you know, this one:


as you can see me and Madness sit right up front

behind us is a mother and her little boy

after the ride starts and we start to build up speed and are almost upside down the little boy says, "I'm scared, I don't like this!"

then he says the four words you do not want to hear on a carnival ride

"I'm gonna throw up!"

I can just imagine how awful it would be to have vomit added to the craziness of this ride

it wasn't gonna happen on my shift

so I started to yell at the little boy

I said, "Bullshit you're not gonna throw up!"

I continued, "this is a carnival, it's supposed to be fun!"

and I continued to yell at him until the ride came to stop

and he did not throw up

when we got off the ride and I looked at the kid and told him good job

after that I talk Paulie into coming into the fun house with us

he agreed

then I talked him into going on that really big slide that looks like a wavy line going up and down

you use an old sack to slide down it

you have to climb a lot of stairs and I underestimated how high the slide was

and I forgot that Paulie is afraid of heights

so now Madness and myself are positioned to slide down

Paulie is at his spot but he won't sit down

he's afraid he's gonna slip

so for some reason he takes off his shoes and now is in his socks

Erik calls him out on that logic

in the video you can see me shaking my head because I'm thinking that Paulie is thinking," I don't like this."

but Paulie does rise to the occasion and sits down and goes down the slide

ok so times ticking and we have plenty of tickets so Erik and I decided to ride one more ride

it's a parasol ride

you know a little seat with an umbrella thing on top

so everything is going fine

the ride is going on in a circular path

Erik and I are cracking jokes

all of a sudden the ride comes to a halt

then it starts to reverse the direction

from clockwise to counter clockwise

this completely fouls up Erik's equilibrium

he says, "I don't like this."

those are his last words

he looks like he's gonna puke

so I start yelling at him

"This is supposed to be fun."

ha ha ha no I didn't say that

I was telling him if he was gonna puke then puke over the side

and I gave him a little nudge

he said I was not helping

and was close to spilling his cookies

then he looked down and saw Raul with the camera ready just waiting to capture the moment

Erik said he thought to himself, "Oh, hell no, Raul is not gonna get me puking."

this is as close as he got:


he fought it and we got through that one

well with all this fun it was time to go

on the way out I yelled at Raul and Paulie

"Thank god Erik was here, if not I would have rode all those rides by myself."

Paulie said, "Hey I got on two rides."

then I yelled, "The fun house is not a ride!"

good times