Because God was too busy to help...

so after having one hell of a night with the triple H beers

I was running some errands the next day

I get a call on my mobile

so I don't like to talk on my phone while I'm driving

I usually pull over and talk

that puts me in some strange places

so this time I'm on the side of a strip mall

I'm sitting on the ground when I see a guy come walking at me pretty fast

he stops on the other side of me and lights a cigarette

I finish my phone call and look at him and start up a conversation

why not

I'm still a little drunk and now a little hung over

so this is our conversation:

V: "How's it going?"

guy: "Man, I'm pissed."

V: "I can see that." "What's wrong?"

he starts to explain his problem

it revolves around a person

so when he finishes I say

"well, what are you gonna do about it?"

guy:" I'm gonna violently silence him (the guy that did him wrong)!"

I let him finish

guy " I'm gonna strangle him and I won't even break a sweat!"

I look down at the ground and I say,

"I think you should."

"Because talk is cheap, and think how good that will feel."

"And no one will ever fuck with you again."

I look up at him and he's staring directly at me

he takes a long drag off his cigarette and tosses it and walks away quickly

I think he went to go do it

instead of a guardian angel

he got me

because God was too busy to help

ok here's a bonus story

so I'm at the Wal-Mart the other day and I'm looking at the magazines

I come across a WWe best of 2008 issue

there's a poster in there that was really cool

so I decided I was going to steal it

I just felt like stealing

but listen to the way that I did it

instead of hiding it under my shirt or somewhere else

I decided that Wal-Mart was going to hand it over to me

So I go and grab a bag of cat food

When I go to check out I pull the poster out from under my arm

While the cashier is bagging the cat food

I hand her the poster and tell her," I brought this in to see what size frame I need."

"but they're all too big, can you put this in the bag for me?"

she does and I walk out with stolen merchandise

past the guard at the door

who I say hello, goodbye to on the way out

but now that I have the poster I don't know what size frame I need