The Wrestlemania of football

I hate the Superbowl

I fucking hate the Superbowl

and here are the reasons

it's like a forced party

even women celebrate the superbowl

it's like a christmas party

it's the one time of the year that some people drink on sunday (but not much)

people who don't throw hardcore parties will have a superbowl party

it's all a bunch of mild fun

anyone that does things mildly is my swore enemy

what I don't get is as a football fan you obviously have your favorite team

well it's the biggest game but only two teams play

so if your team is not in it you're watching a game with two teams you care nothing about

at this point you're just a fan of football

BORING!

the NFL doesn't even make the superbowl special

do you know who does

Dorritos, Pepsi, Taco Bell

it's like the NFL has an awesome pad and thier friends taco bell and Pepsi crashed it and took over the party

I love pro wrestling

and our "superbowl" of wrestling just keeps getting bigger and better every year

well I guess we can't all be titains of drinking or gods among men

ps. while I was in the gym

during the superbowl

someone had left it on the animal channel

they were showing a puppy bowl

just a bunch of puppies frolicking around a pen disguised as a football field

there were a bunch of toys in there too

this thing had announcers and instant replays

here's the best part

this was puppy bowl 5

Tuna and Sharpie

this one is going to be an ever growing blog

I'll update it throughout the year

Some of the conversations Sharpie and I have are just too priceless

enjoy:

-Sharpie was in town one afternoon and wanted to meet for lunch

he wanted somewhere that served beer as well as food

these are texts

Sharpie: Tuna where do you want to meet for lunch
Tuna: What about Wendy's its right next to my job
Sharpie: Tuna, there's no beer at Wendy's
Tuna: oh that's right you wanted beer, well what about Pluckers
Sharpie: Let's do it

what ended up happening was we drank giant beers, I called in for the rest of the day, Sharpie called in for a play he was directing, he lied that his mother was sick or dying, we were there long enough to have two waiters, we joined a trivia bowl, we took applications and interviewed people to join the family, and our lunch lasted about 8 hours

next thing I know we both wake up in my little house hung over and exhausted

and generally miserable

Sharpie: "Maybe we should have gone to Wendy's."

-SO the night that Sharpie headbutted a car he jumped on my back piggyback style

I lost my balance and fell right on my face

dropping Sharpie on his face too

resulting in both our faces having strawberries and cuts

when the street crowd saw this they gasped

the next day we woke up at my brother's pad and watched the recording of monday night raw

two female wrestlers made their entrance

One female wrestler jumped on her partners' back piggyback stlye and they ran down the ramp

Sharpie" Look Tuna, that's what we tried to do."

Sharpie " Man, they mean it when they say don't try this at home."

-One night Sharpie and I went to a bar in a out of the way place

when we got there the parking lot was full

there was only one spot that was open but there was a wooden post on the ground

I could have driven over it

so I gave it a gentle test run

but then I stopped

Sharpie: "You can't get over it?"
Tuna: "Well, I'm worried that there's a nail in it or something and with our luck we'll get a flat way the hell out here."
Sharpie:"Well, get down and check it for nails."
Tuna: "No, cause if I get down and check it for nails then I'd be a wanker."
Sharpie: "Well I'll get down and see if I can move it. I'll be a wanker."(Sharpie opens the door and starts to get out)
Tuna: "In that case while you're there check it for nails."

-One Sunday I was helping Sharpie move in San Marcos

we were at his new place and unloading my truck

since we were going up a couple of flights of stairs I wanted to take as much as I could in one trip up

so I had a rather large box in my hands and was going to put a smaller one on top of it

I was gonna set my large box down on the tailgate but Sharpie was in the way

so I was waiting for him to get his box and move out of the way

Sharpie looked at me and I guess to him it looked like I was standing there with a large box in

my arms and just staring at a smaller one in the truck

Sharpie: "What are you doing?"
Tuna:" I'm gonna put that box on top of this one."
Sharpie:"Using the force?"

-The second time I went to Pluckers was when I visited Sharpie in San Marcos again

I was coming back from Victoria and I had Sharpie's wallet with me from a previous adventure

on the phone Sharpie told me to take a particular exit

the exit led right to a Pluckers

I texted him back and said" I see where this is going

next thing I know we wake up in his car at a construction site

a worker knocked on the window and told us we were blocking the 18 wheelers

Sharpie started the car and I got into the front seat (I had climbed in the back in the middle of the night I guess)

the worker who woke us up said," long night?"

Sharpie said, "yeah"

and we took off

- One other time I had to babysit my nephew in Kyle

that's about 40 minutes south of Austin and 15 minutes to San Marcos

so I call Sharpie and tell him I'll be in the area that night

so after I get off at 11 that night I stop off in San Marcos on my way to Kyle

since I was going to be a little late my sister is gonna leave me the key

I met up with Sharpie at a local bar

he orders us a couple of V-bulls

I hadn't had those in a while

the usual happens and I don't get to my sisters till about 3 am

my nephew wakes me up at 7am so there you go

it is never easy for me

while we were at the bar Sharpie saw a friend of his, B Sims

Sharpie says to me, " Tuna I'm gonna say hi to my friend B Sims."
I say, " Hey I'll go with you, I like B Sims"

so we head off and I go and give B Sims the biggest hug I've ever given anyone in my life

a few days later Sharpie and I are talking about how hard I hugged his friend

Sharpie said, " Damn Tuna, you hugged B Sims like you were hugging Grimmace at McDonalds

-Last story guys because now I live with Sharpie it's gonna be too hard to keep up with all the shit we do

So on our first night as roommates

Sharpie and I decided that we would do some laundry

we both had about two loads to do

the laundromat is right down the road from where we live

next to it is a bar called Lala's

its a Christmas themed bar

I had told this to Sharpie and he had a friend who said that bar is really cool

so he wanted to check it out while we did our laundry

we get in there and its just four old barflies sitting at the bar

Sharpie says "It must be ladies night"

so we drink a couple of pitchers

that goes on pretty smooth

then before long the bar starts getting busy

we then notice a string of elves hanging from the ceiling that moves up and down every once in a while

Sharpie and I wonder why that happens

I tell Sharpie I bet it's the men's room door that does that

so I get up and say," I'll go check."

I get to the men's room and see that the string is connected to the door and whenever it's opened the little elves bob up and down

I stay right there and look over at Sharpie and yell clear across the bar, "YEAH IT'S THE MENS ROOM DOOR THAT DOES THAT!"

everyone stops and stares at me

Sharpie cracks up because something like that happens on a tv show that he likes

we leave and go check on our clothes

on the way out I tell our waitress to save our seats

when we come back our seats are taken

I yell at our waitress, "you had ONE job!"

so something interesting happens

at first it's just older people in the bar

but then a bunch of young people come in

I wave at a young lady that came in the bar alone

she comes over to me and says "do I know you?"

I say "no."

I follow up with, "do you want to?"

that's a classic V line

she orders a drink and comes back over to us

she's waiting on her friends

so she joins me and Sharpie while she waits

after a while her friends show up and Sharpie and I join them

it's good times

we're all cracking wise and yucking it up

in the meantime the Laundromat closed on me and Sharpie

so I go check on the clothes and sure enough it's all dark and closed

so I'm drunk and my clothes are locked up like the Big V on the Hall of Fame night

I then notice that someone had put a newspaper on the top of the door to keep it from locking

so I try the door and it opens

I go in and then the door shuts behind me locking

so now I'm locked up like the Big V on the Hall of Fame night

but I found a door that opens

I prop the door open with a trash can and then leave to go get Sharpie

he comes with and we load two rolling baskets with our clothes and wheel them out to the car

the crowd we were with is outside smoking and laughing

i can imagine what that scene looked like

after a long while and too many pitchers later we call it a night

I'm supposed to be at work at 4 am and it's now 2:30 in the morning

I'm 45 minutes late for work

the next day I sleep as soon as I get off at noon

doing laundry sure is tough

Because God was too busy to help...

so after having one hell of a night with the triple H beers

I was running some errands the next day

I get a call on my mobile

so I don't like to talk on my phone while I'm driving

I usually pull over and talk

that puts me in some strange places

so this time I'm on the side of a strip mall

I'm sitting on the ground when I see a guy come walking at me pretty fast

he stops on the other side of me and lights a cigarette

I finish my phone call and look at him and start up a conversation

why not

I'm still a little drunk and now a little hung over

so this is our conversation:

V: "How's it going?"

guy: "Man, I'm pissed."

V: "I can see that." "What's wrong?"

he starts to explain his problem

it revolves around a person

so when he finishes I say

"well, what are you gonna do about it?"

guy:" I'm gonna violently silence him (the guy that did him wrong)!"

I let him finish

guy " I'm gonna strangle him and I won't even break a sweat!"

I look down at the ground and I say,

"I think you should."

"Because talk is cheap, and think how good that will feel."

"And no one will ever fuck with you again."

I look up at him and he's staring directly at me

he takes a long drag off his cigarette and tosses it and walks away quickly

I think he went to go do it

instead of a guardian angel

he got me

because God was too busy to help

ok here's a bonus story

so I'm at the Wal-Mart the other day and I'm looking at the magazines

I come across a WWe best of 2008 issue

there's a poster in there that was really cool

so I decided I was going to steal it

I just felt like stealing

but listen to the way that I did it

instead of hiding it under my shirt or somewhere else

I decided that Wal-Mart was going to hand it over to me

So I go and grab a bag of cat food

When I go to check out I pull the poster out from under my arm

While the cashier is bagging the cat food

I hand her the poster and tell her," I brought this in to see what size frame I need."

"but they're all too big, can you put this in the bag for me?"

she does and I walk out with stolen merchandise

past the guard at the door

who I say hello, goodbye to on the way out

but now that I have the poster I don't know what size frame I need

The Wrestler

so I really enjoyed myself Saturday

I was basically all alone

first my brother was out of town visiting friends

I already went out with Sharpie that Friday

I'm not quite yet Gentleman's rommate

although we have been approved

and it was a Raul free weekend

so I went to see the Wrestler

first though

I had to go to the theater on 6th street

that was the only place that was showing it at midnight

it was wierd walking down that street without my posse

everybody was drunk and falling down around me

I kept wishing someone would start shit with me

but they wouldn't

everyone was actually nice to me

a few people kept me company on my way to the theater

they couldn't believe I was sober and going to a movie on 6th street

so I get there and they're showing clips from wwe

Ric Flair and Hogan and stuff

that was cool

the movie itself was alright

it was good not great

but it was very familiar

with the bingo hall wrestling

and the strip clubs

ha I know those worlds very well

the walk back to the truck was as interesting as the walk to the theater

maybe more so

because the bars were closing and all the drunks were on the street

again I wished someone would start something with me

again they were all nice to me

drunk, but nice

that was quite an experience

chock that up as a new first for me

that's one for '09

The Big V reborn

So I went and joined a blogging site

I had too

I realized if I didn't I would forget all the cool crazy shit that happens in my life

and it cuts through all the bull shit of myspace

I had too many strangers as friends on that thing

but I know that a lot of you all loved to read these things

I wonder how long this blog will stay a secret

well I'm gonna get some pics from Raul so I can write about my first day of this new year

you guys are gonna love it