On 2010's Leaving...

I'll make this brief

but this was the year

it was a mix of keeping important people close to me and scraping off the ones that aren't

January started off with me getting on facebook

and it was all because of the return of a wrestling legend

You Know You're Drunk When You Can't Tell if You're Being Mugged...

Ok let's just jump right in on this one

so this Christmas I will be at KEYE for two years

there will not be a third

I am not a master control operator

I don't know what I am but it's not that

I've been scanning craigslist for jobs

and I came across this one: A Pub Quiz Host

I would host the quiz, interact with the crowd, tell a few jokes, take pictures of the night, and blog about it the next day

and the beer is free

I might be over qualified

Letters From Mexico

Howdy from Mejico

also known as North Lamar

so I've had some strange encounters from the locals around here

I thought I'd jot a few of them down

first of all everyone speaks Spanish over here

even the Indians that work in the convience stores

and Target

and of course they all assume I do as well

of course I don't

we never learned

my mom told me when I asked her why we don't speak Spanish she said it creeped her out to hear children speaking Spanish

plus we'd never need it

so now everywhere I go in my "hood" I have to close my lips tight and shake my head at people who talk to me in Spanish

I was unloading my laundry one day and some vaquero next to me was trying to ask me why his clothes weren't dry

or to call 911

I can't tell

I don't speak spanish

And Now A Message to the World...

not to scare anyone off or anything, but the site I use to blog has added a stat tracker

now I can't see who you are but I can see where my readers are from

the US is bunched together so I can't see individual cities

and I do have some brothers and sisters overseas serving

so I wasn't surprised to see those places show up

I was surprised to see other places like the UK, Denmark, Canada, and Russia listed as some places that have read my blogs

I really don't know what to say

I have no idea what those people think of these posts and of me

I can tell you, for just a little ol Texas boy I'm flattered and I hope you guys stick around to hear more stories

I must apologize though, because I can't give you deep thought provoking posts that break down social, political, economical, or religious barriers in the world

I can't change the world or inspire individuals to stand up and become better humans to shape our planet for a better tomorrow

I can however,hopefully, make you laugh

and I can give you the truth

full blown, uncensored truth

you see I'm the kind of person that doesn't hide behind doors and guard my reputation

I like to give the world an honest view of me as a person complete with all of my flaws, vices, and mistakes

these stories are all true and I usually have one or two witnesses that can vouch for everything I write (some may not want to however ha ha)

to quote a very eloquent speaker, the Macho Man Randy Savage "I've soared with the eagles and slithered with the snakes. And been everywhere in between."

me personally I like to take you guys along for the ride

So my message to the world:
"Hello! Welcome! Make yourself at home, grab a drink, drop me a line sometime, oh and leave the lights on when you leave, this place never closes."

-V-

IV-Booze, Drugs, Cops, oh and MGMT

I've been especially meaning to tell this story for the longest time

and I won't mention any names again to prevent incrimination

so yesterday I get a text asking if I want to go to the FUN FUN FUN FEst

I just got off of work and have not slept yet from my previous night with Paulie the Bull in Austin

so times are tight and arrangements are made for me to take a flask into this music fest

it's full of my favorite rum

I sneak it in and now we're drinking rum

then Heineken

and now we're smoking pot

and more Heineken

now shrooms

and then MGMT takes the stage

III-Drunk, Drugged, and Naked

I have to admit, I kinda like telling some stories I swore I would never tell

so Let's go back to the Summer

and for the benefit of the innocent I won't give out any names on this one

while at work one day, a commercial came out for a swimming pool company

It showed a particular pool at an apartment complex

that pool looked familiar

while watching the commercial I got really quiet while watching it

my co-worker asked me

"are you ok Vince?"

I said,"um..yeah...I think I've been to that pool."

at this time, a memory came flooding over me at that instant

during the summer I was invited to a pool party

but I wasn't told it was a pool party

side note here: if you've ever seen me in shorts consider yourself a dear close personal friend of mine

I NEVER wear shorts

but i do own a pair or two and if told that it was a pool party I would have dressed accordingly

but I didn't

and while everyone was frolicking in the pool I was sitting poolside drinking beer

since I wasn't swimming I was drinking a lot of beer

then it was time to go inside for the BBQ

while inside I continued to drink and not eat

then a crazy roommate comes in full of piss, vinegar,and pills

everyone at this point has been drinking beer and smoking pot

including me which is very rare

at one point this skinny raver roommate starts asking people if they want some Zanax

some people say yes and others decline

the ones that decline he threw a tab into their beer anyway

with or without their knowledge

he did this to everyone but me

so we mingle some more

later I tell him,"you drugged everyone at this party except me."

he says, "My bad, you looked like you were having a good time without this."

I told him, "well I don't want to be rude, hook a brother up."

so he takes a tab and throws it in my beer

it foams and I drink it fast

and after a few minutes I'm under the influence of everything

and I start to get upset that I got left out of the swimming part of the pool party

so I suggest that we all go back down to the pool

except I ask the raver if he has a pair of trunks I could borrow

he does and I change

I'm wearing my original shirt and his trunks

boxers, jeans, socks and shoes stay at the apartment

we go down to the pool and I get some impromtu swimming lessons

I can kinda survive in the water now but under everything I did that night I'm surprised I wasn't swimming on the concrete thinking I was doing a good job

anyway at one point everyone leaves the pool and goes back upstairs

I'm now swimming alone and think I've had enough

so I get out and for some reason I take my shirt and shorts off and wrap a towel around me

except for the towel I'm only wearing a smile and some bloodshot eyes

when trying to leave the pool I remember that the girl that lived there had trouble opening the gate to the pool

so I couldn't be bothered with it

I've been known to do a mean flip over trucks, walls, gates, fences, and people

but I'm not usually in this condition whenever I do that

so I flip over the gate and I land ugly

the ground came up much faster than I realize and I stun myself with my fall

I stand up and realize that during that botched flip, my towel came off

and I'm rolling on the ground buck naked

and stand up in my birthday suit

I calmy snatch the towel and kinda walk off holding it next to me before putting it back on

I wonder if there was a family waiting to get in the gate during all of this

I personally would have love to see what this looked like from afar

whenever I get back upstairs I yell at everyone for leaving me down there

I borrow some big ass baggy clothes and make my way home

back at the station in present day my co-worker asks me,"really?" (in response to me recognizing the pool and telling her I think I've been there before)

Me:"yeah, there's a funny story about that..."

I'm Ready to Tell the Story Part II

Ok so I talked with my boss and he hooked me up with a sweet schedule

I now go in at noon thirty and get out at 8:30

I still work weekend mornings but I'm out by 2pm

I'm off Monday and Tuesday

so I get off at 2pm on Sun and don't report back to work till noon Wed

sweet

everything was going great

until August

so in a nutshell what I do is quality control of the on air product

if you have picture and sound on CBS in Austin TV then I'm doing my job

well we recently got Telemundo to add to CBS

we had it for a while and I treat it like the red headed stepchild

well one Saturday morning because of an automated issue a paid program (infomercial)went on the air 15 minutes early cutting into Telemundo Sat morning cartoons

I didn't discover this until 15 minutes later

I thought "oh oh" and I dealt with it

next thing I know on Monday I get a call from my boss

he's not yelling but he asks me to come in and talk to him about what happened this weekend

so I did

he sat me down and with the master control supervisor explained what my mistake cost

he said that what happened got the fcc involved and the lawyers and they're knocking on his doors

he explained the seriousness of this issue

he went on to explain that the station is looking at a $10,000.00 fine

I'm not flinching at this point because I'm already picking up the plan from the first time I tried to quit in my head

he then goes on to say "Vince I'm gonna do what I can but this is probably gonna cost you your job."

he then tells me to go with my supervisor and make a timeline of what happened

I do

when explaining what happened I'm already thinking I'm fired so I tell the truth

I tell him I wasn't watching Telemundo

I tell him "I never do"

he just laughed and said well we can't put that down

he then points out some flaws in the way we monitor that station and we leave it at that

I went to ask my boss what do we do now

kinda like "hey Boss, can you fire me now or are you gonna fire me over the phone?"

but he wasn't in the building anymore

so I went home

and like Duper told me once over the phone whenever he got some bad news(sorry Dupes) he said, "well it's still the weekend and I'm gonna go to the pool"

so i enjoyed my days off

but still applied here and there over the past two days

I never got a call from my boss

but I got a call Wednesday from a job telling me they have an opening right when I'm supposed to go into work that day

so I had a decision to make

do I go into work to be fired?
or quit and go to an interview to be hired?

So I call my boss and quit again

he was at lunch so I left a message

I tell him, "Hey listen Dusty, I never got a call telling me my job status. I understand your position $10,0000 is a lot of money. Someone is gonna want some repercussions. You do what you have to do and I appreciate how you've treated me. But I have bills to pay and I have an interview today so I'm walking away."

so I go to the interview and talk to a guy and while he leaves the room for me to do a survey I get all kinds of calls and texts from work.

there's a message from Dusty and the engineer texted me telling me to not quit

I text back telling them I'm at an interview but I'll call them later

back to the interview, I'm told my job duties

it involves some phones

I hate phones

after the interview I call Dusty

he's yelling in the phone "Vince you tell that guy you don't want his job. You have a job, you work for me. You're not fired I need you, I want you here."

so I tell him

"ok"

I go in late and he calls me into his office

he applogized for not calling me and telling me he likes me, the GM likes me
the master control supervisor likes me they all think I'm a great guy and to hell with the fine

then he tells me "Jeez, I've never seen a guy that wanted to quit so bad."

so not only did I not get fired, I still haven't been written up

In closing, this month I got my yearly employee review

I scored all 3's which is meeting expectations

and I scored one 5 which is exceeds expectations

it was for dependability

scout's honor

Tuesday with The Swagger

So let me just jump right in

Swagger is back

he gets into town and picks me up

we're at the BArton Springs Saloon on South LAmar

so Swagger starts to mingle and I'm sitting there drinking 1$ Miller High Lifes

Swagger has two groups that want to party with him

he then sees a cute little country girl and her friend walk into the bar

he tells me "Cmon Tuna, let's go talk to them."

I say "Ok"

we go and ask if we could join the two girls at their table

the girls don't mind

So after chit chatting for a little bit, Swagger gets up and goes and checks on the other groups he's been working on

I stay and talk to the girls

we're getting along just fine

they're a couple of Florida girls that wanted a change of scenery

they did some research and said Austin kept showing up on the top of all the lists they looked at

one of the girls ,Shanna, reminded me of my old friend Crystal

I was taken a little aback by it

man those are some old feelings I haven't felt in a couple of decades

anyway we swap numbers and you may be hearing about them again

So it's time to go to the next place and Swagger picks a group he wants to party with

he tells me, "Tuna let's take these girls home. I'll take the ugly one and you can have the pretty one cause you've been so good to me."

I tell him, "Well why don't we just throw them in the mix together with you and me like a big ol stew."

I was half joking

when we were leaving I was getting in the car and saw this parked right next to me


Swagger is waiting for me to get in Smokey and unlock his door

but instead I'm saying, "Swagger come here."
Swagger:"What?"
me:"Come here."
Swagger:"What? Are you peeing?"
Me:"Come here."
Swagger:"Tuna you're worrying me."
Me:"Just come here."

he comes over and I show him the car

while snickering at it

then Swagger spears me

onto the car

we're both on top of this little gay car laughing our asses off

when we get off and get in the truck I say, "I hope we didn't deflate it."

so now we go to The Crow Bar

it's kinda a rough joint

there's some bikers and some very experienced looking ladies

upon entering the place there's a big lummox of a man sitting at the outside bar

he's one of those big goofs wearing a tight t-shirt letting the flies go in and out of his mouth

kinda like this:

I go right up to him and say hi

he says his name is Roger

I say "nice to meet you Roger"

then I follow Swagger and his group inside

they go up to the bar but I go and sit at a booth all by myself

since it's close to Halloween the bar is decorated as such

there's a guillotine right at the center of the bar

I see a man sitting by himself two booths away from me

I ask him if he thinks that's a real working guillotine

he tells me to put my head in it and find out

I tell him no thank you

then he tells me to come sit with him in his booth

I do

He asks for my name

Me:"Tuna"
Him:"I'm Batman."
Me:"no your not."
him:"Well youre making shit up, so , so am I."
Me:"No, people really call me Tuna."
HIm:"But when you were born, your mama did not name you Tuna."
Me:"No she named me Vincent Anthony DeLuna."
Him:"There you go, it's nice to met you Vincent, I'm James."

we shake hands

he tells me he built that guillotine

he goes on to tell me he's a master electrician and he's wired this whole bar

this whole time he's rolling a joint

then I tell him that he looks exactly like Michael PS Hayes

he says "really? Cause I've been told I look like Shawn Micheals."

Michael Ps Hayes just told me he's been told he looks like Shawn Micheals

Michael PS HAyes:


just told me he's been told he looks like Shawn Michaels:


not even when PS Hayes was 14 did he look like Shawn

anyway I laugh it off and James says

let's go smoke this joint

so I follow him outside and we toke it up

while smoking he tells me that if I ever get burned on my finger don't put the burn on my tongue but rather grab my ear lobe

he says it transfers the heat

then he says "I'll show you, I'll burn my finger then grab your ear."

I tell him ,"no, I'll burn my finger and grab my ear."

so he flicks his lighter and I put my finger in the flame

I leave it there so it can burn

then I take it away and then touch my earlobe

it....kinda....worked

when we were walking back in he asked, "it worked didn't it."

I told him, "Kinda, but it feels like I burned my finger and my ear now."

He laughed and we went back into the bar

I found Swagger sitting at the bar with the regulars

Swagger asks"Tuna, where the hell were you?"

I said, "I was getting high with the master electrician

then Swagger introduces me to everyone at the bar

it's quite the cast of characters and Roger

I tell them I already met Roger

ok now it's time to go home

Swagger wants to go back to the girls place and I agree

It was looking like Swagger was gonna ride with the girls

but then I saw it click with him that If left alone I would probably disappear

so Swagger sent one of the "ladys" to ride with me back to the place

this lady was a little bit um...piggy

and she was wasted

we took off and making small talk I told her I love her voice

it was very raspy like Jessica Rabbit

then she tells me I should hear her singing voice

without a moment to respond she starts to sing

really badly

a whole complete song

when she was done I said "wow, I've never heard a voice like that, you..."

she started to sing another song

then a jazz song

the whole time it felt like the judges on American Idol already said thank you but she kept trying to audition

we finally get to her house

but I don't see Swagger

I ask her if her friend is here

she said no

and to come upstairs

now I'm thinking great

I'm here with a last call lady

I haven't done that in a while

I want to leave

then I notice Roger sitting in his car in the parking lot

I ask the chick, "is that Roger?"

she says yes as she grabs my hand and tries to take me in

I tell her ,"look I gotta go, I don't feel so good all of a sudden."

she looks hurt

so I give her a christian side hug

as I go to my truck I look back and she's rushing up the stairs

she yells out "come on Roger!!!!"

Roger gets out of his car and goes upstairs

Ok I'm Ready to Tell This Story Part I

SO this happened earlier this year

I had accepted a full time position at Keye here in Austin

the only problem was that the shift started at 4:30 am

I was sure I could do it

but by nature I'm a night owl and I kept going to sleep at around 1 am or so

I don't need much sleep, but weeks of this kept building up

I was losing more sleep week after week

then pulling all nighters on the weekend I was going negative on sleep

was staying up for something like 30 hours

and after a few months it started to affect me

I was like a zombie during my waking hours

and whenever my alarm would go off I was getting more and more pissed in the morning

and I was going in later and later

some people would call me to help me out but I was about to reach a breaking point

and I reached an ugly one

one morning I was woken up an hour after my shift was supposed to be at work

I went in and someone was there in my spot to cover for me

I told this person that I quit

and I was going home and sleeping for a month

I called my boss and left him a message

I told him I couldn't do the shift and that I quit

then I went home

I just quit my job and had no idea what I was going to do or what was my next step

I slept like a baby

my boss called and left me a message

I didn't listen right away

I went to get some food

while gasing up my truck I decided to listen to the message

since I was filling up my truck I went to the side/back of the gas station to listen to the message

my boss was very kind and told me how much he likes me and would hate to lose me

he said I was a great guy and did a great job and to take the day off and call him whenever I was ready

while I was listening to this I was looking down at the ground and noticed an ant hill

I had bought one of those gel ant farms recently and had not mailed off for my free ants

the ant farm was empy

well I was staring at this ant hill and while listening to the message I was thinking "ooh I need some ants, those look like good ones."

I hung up the phone and went to get a little jar and collected some ants

I took them home and placed them in the ant farm

watched them for a little bit

then went to eat

I thought about calling my boss but still wasn't motivated

after I ate I went and checked on the ants

to my surprise there were no ants in the farm

upon closer inspection I notice two tiny air holes on the farm

the ants escaped

I had placed the farm on my window seal

and with my eyes I traced the natural path that I thought the ants would take

when I got to the other end of the window

I saw that all the ants had crawled into a spiderweb

and I watched the last ant be wrapped up by the spider

I thought "man, that didn't go so well. I got those ants killed."

I called my boss

"I'm ready to come back to work."

this is a true story

my buddy Kevin said it's gonna be hard to top this

then I quit again 8 months later

to be continued...

A Couple of Stories about a Spoon and the Moon

-A SPOON-

So I took one of those ravioli bowls to work for lunch one day

so this is exactly my thought process when heating it up:

"what do you eat ravioli with?"

"I'll grab a spoon."

I walk back to master control

I sit and open the lid

"no, wait I need a fork."

I go back to the break room

I was about to throw the spoon away but then thought,

"wait, I didn't use the spoon I just held it."

"I'll put it back."

"no, wait I'll be polite and wash the spoon off."

then while washing the spoon

"wait, this is stupid, there's plenty of spoons in the cabinet."

"and since when do I care about who grabs this stupid spoon after me."

so I threw it away

I went back to master control

I then proceed to finish the ravioli

then noticed all that delicious sauce left over

like tomato soup

so I thought,

"Oh yeah I forgot about the sauce."

"I need a spoon."

-THE MOON-

So I'm all moved in and settled into my efficiency

sort of

there's all kind of weird things in drawers and cabinets

and I'm moving weird things from cabinets to drawers

and trying to make mental notes of where I'm seeing these things

for example

in the previous house I lived in I bought a moon

it's called "The Moon in my Room"

you put it on the wall

it lights up and it looks like...well the Moon in my room

anywho I was looking for a hammer and looked in some drawers

I opened one and saw the Moon in there

It kinda went like this, "hammer, hammer,no, hammer (opens drawer) there's the moon, hammer, hammer."

ha, what if it was on and was all aglow

all you see is a bright light shinning on me

"there's the moon"

anyway soon after I found the remote to the moon in the walk in closet that's in bathroom

you'd think I would grab the remote and put it in the drawer with the moon

goes to show you my organisational skills

I can't even keep the moon and the remote for the moon in the same room

in an efficiency

I Didn't Do That on Purpose

SO I was reminded of two non-related strip club stories recently:

I don't frequent strip clubs much

but when I do it's a Dos Equis

what?

oh that's some of the most intersting man in the world there

by the way

I'm trying to become the second most interesting man in the world

anyway strip joints

I don't really like them

especially if you're single

that's like going to the zoo because you have no pets

so a few years ago I went to one in Victoria

I mean the ONLY one in Victoria

I was with a bunch of dudes

I was the first one at the bar

I ordered my drink and picked out a place to sit

while the guys were all still at the bar ordering

this place had nothing but chairs with wheels as feet on the floor

I guess it makes it easy for the girlies to move around for the pandering

well the chair I picked had a bad wheel

actually I almost fell because the back wheel slipped off and I tilted to the side a little

but I nimble like cat

so I stood up, put the wheel back on and moved the chair next to me

well all the guys come over and begin to sit down

I know you all know what happens now

so one guy comes and sits in the bad chair next to me

we all begin to talk while he sits down

he falls

ugly

all I see is him falling completely backwards

his drink spilling high and out

he actually lands on his neck

I didn't do that on purpose

so a few years later I'm at another strip joint

so we all go to sit down

well the chair I picked had a bad wheel

actually I almost fell because the front wheel slipped off and I tilted to the side a little

but I nimble like cat

so I stood up, put the wheel back on and moved the chair next to me

a little later (during lap dance time)

one of the whores comes over to me and asks if anyone is sitting in that chair

you know THAT chair

I say no

she takes it and wheels it over to the dude right next to me

it's her prop

we all watch her and she starts grinding on the chair

then she puts all her weight on it

stomach on the back of the chair

her hands on the arms of the chair

there she is

rocking like a hurricane

and she falls

hard

but she falls into the dude she's dancing for

I wondered if the guy even noticed

that idiot still threw 20 bucks at her way

and the dj makes the anouncement "Sid we have a nother dead stripper on the floor"

and on the way to the restroom I lean in on the mic and say "and I didn't do that on purpose"

Crime Doesn't Have an Address and Your Tits Won't Quit

So I went in to sign my lease

the apartment manager sat down with me and I noticed the massive cleavage spilling out of her blouse

and she was wearing that one blouse where the button is dead center of the cleavage

straining to keep those fun bags from splilling out all over the place

it reminded me of Miss Elizabeth's job in the Mega Powers


just replace Liz with a button

and Hulk and Randy with real boobs instead of the boobs they are

ZING!

anywho, when she sat down her tits were level with the table

actually one of her tits was holding a page down

while the other one was pointing to the important clauses of the lease

then I swear to God

a third one handed me a pen to sign the lease

then she gave me some speech on the security gate and crime

at one point she said, "Crime doesn't have an address"

I didn't hear all of the speech because I was staring at her breasts

but that last line caught my attention

and I'm pretty sure she caught me checking out her "girls"

so it kinda went like this

Her: "blah blah blah blah...crime has no address."
pause
Me-shakes head
"I'm sorry what?"

Anybody Want a Season Three Update?

it's still not ready

ha ha ha

now just to let you guys know

anytime I'm at Raul's house I try to get him to work on it

but he's always drunk!!

or hung over

so I kinda took it upon myself to work on it a little bit

so my days off are Monday and Tuesday

while Raul goes off to work I'm at his house trying to add the finishing touches on this thing

what I've done is gone through all of his videos and picked out some clips here and there that showcases us at our best ( or worse) that will be thrown in between the chapters

when Raul got home I showed him the clips I picked that needed to be edited down

he said "it's too early in the week to be watching this."

then he said he was getting a headache while watching them

you see what I have to work with?

next I'm trying to create a mosaic style chapter for Pink Floyd's Wish You were here

I've gone through the hundreds and hundreds of pictures that Raul has selecting the best pics that goes with this chapter

I've cropped them and they are all gonna be on screen all at once comic book style

u guys are gonna love this one

we were trying to work on the dissolves but Raul's computer crashed and he didn't save it

then he never tried to do it again

so that's when I went and started picking out the definitive pictures and crop them myself

this is my case

My point in writing this is so Raul might read this and get a fire lit under his ass

because this is all true and we are waiting patiently for this

also,

because this is the absolute final Season

with that said I have a project that I am working on

I'm gonna start V-logging

to compliment my written blogs

I've already started getting some pretty good stuff on my HD camera

I'm gonna keep rolling all Fall and Winter

then edit them so I'll have a few episode ready to go

they'll come out in 2011

I asked for some help in naming it

I got some decent ones but some really terrible ones

let's see

Paulie wanted me to call it "The V-deos"
Kevin at work said "Life on the V List"
Duper's was "After Hours"
I can't remember whose was "The Whiskey Diaries"

I kinda like that one

in the end I named it

Big V TV

so stay tuned

but before I release them we have to finish Season three

don't worry kids

it will be well worth the wait

trust me

The Beer Off 5 is Over

I'm ending this years Beer off early

theres a couple of reasons

number one I'm moving this weekend

I'll be moving in with my sister while my brother and I wait for our place to open up

the Tuna/Sharpie roommate chapter is over

second I think I found the beers I'm gonna drink the rest of the Summer

St Arnold's Lawnmower and Summer Pils were phenominal

these beers are so great, I'm just gonna stop right here

plus the Clapton concert at the movies was so much fun

it was the perfect bookend to the Beer off kick off

here's some highlights:
Kate, Gentleman, Tyson and myself let some man into Raul's house while he was at work

the dude was selling some meat but wanted to get high in the back yard

when Kate asked me if I think that's alright I told her,

"when I'm in town, we go by Den rules...anything goes."

Raul came home and the dude did his pitch

then asked for a beer

Kate participated in the Beer off by trying the best beer I've had this season

Raul busted out with flasks for all of us for the movies

his mom would hide these things and he kept buying new ones

when he got his house his mom gave them all back

now he presented them and we all picked them out like we were picking our own lightsabers

I was reunited with mine that I haven't used in about 14 years

we went to the movies and we were all packing flasks

we rocked the theater

we got the theater to clap and get down

we booed John Mayer and I went nuts when I saw Johnny Lang

and we just flat out walked out when Jeff Beck took the stage

Clapton invited alot of Tyson and Kate's favs and I think they were pleasantly surprised

I was impressed with Gary Clark Jr and Citizen Cope

Sheryl Crow and Robert Randolph's little songs were pretty cool too

Kate was in vintage form

I had heard rumors that Clapton and Winwood were gonna play Voodoo Chile

that's the song that never ended when we went to see them in Houston

I told Kate if they played it I was gonna throw my shoe at her

when Clapton brought Steve Winwood on stage

Kate reached over and took my shoes off and held them

I watched the last part without shoes on

drinking out of a flask

and Kate and I held hands for the entire last song

classic

anyway, best beer off EVER!!!

These are the beers for week 3

St Arnolds Summer Pils tied as the best beer of the Beer Off 5
St Arnolds Lawnmower the other tied beer as best of 5

A Giant Stunner

So while at the track last night this memory came to me

I figure I should write it down:

Now, if you spend any quality time with me

you'll know I'm prone to lose my temper from time to time

I've been like this since I was a kid

most people just let it pass

it usually does after about 24 to 48 hours

but confusing me also seems to work

like the time I lost my temper at the tent party

Raul and Tyson both took off their shirts and began posing next to me like they were strippers

Raul then sat on my lap to further calm me down

then there was the time when I lived with Gentleman James

one night I went off crazy mad

to calm me down Gentleman began kissing me repeatedly

on the lips

I stopped in my tracks and calmly said,"Please stop kissing me."

I remember Gent's friend Paul was there as well as my fav roomie The Madnes

Paul said he looked at E while this was going on

he said, "your friend has a pretty good poker face, he had no expression."

I told him, "well, he did live with me for a few years, he's seen me put through all kinds of abuse."

and being kissed by a giant is abuse

now let me set the stage for this one

I believe it was Dec '08

I had a group over to my little efficiency

we were packed in that one room shack and somehow I lost my temper

so Gentleman comes up behind me and grabs my hands and starts to sing the song "Unchained Melody"

yes just like this:


except we were both standing

yet again the power of confusion worked

I stopped in my tracks and just let him do his thing

I thought "mmmmm this is nice."

it worked

but for only 8 minutes

because then I snapped out of it

I reached high above my head

I grabbed the back of his head

held his head over my shoulder

and fell down on my ass

yes folks

I gave him a Stone Cold Stunner



a giant stunner

now the funny thing is

he later told me that he humoured me by taking the stunner

but what he wasn't expecting was the spring-like effect his body would have

because he was bent over and was brought to a stop by the impact

the rebound made him bounce up and back

he lost his balance and actually fell backwards

he told me he thought to himself,"whoa, I'm actually going down!"

and that my friends is the story of why Steve Austin is a six time world champion

Strike Now, While the Iron is Hot...

So a short bit after I bought my Hd cam(which I love by the way thanks for asking)

I started taking pics of some murals here in Austin

I showed them to my friend at work, Kevin

Kevin is a smart chap

well rounded and well traveled at least in mind if not body

hmm that sounds like a famous quote I once heard

anywho, I dig people like that so I always shut my mouth and listen when he speaks

well, Kevin is an artist and a writer and a generally creative cat

I showed him my pics and he liked them

then he told me about his favorite street artist

a man that calls himself Banksy

he's a British graffiti artist

his identity is unknown

now I'm not gonna pretend to know or say that I love graffiti

personally I don't

they're like tatoos to me

I haven't seen one yet that impressed me

but this guy's stuff is great

go check some of it out here

http://www.banksy.co.uk/

and for those of you who couldn't be bothered to do so here are some examples and some of my favorites:




now it just so happends that a documentary came out this year involving Banksy

it's been at the draft house and I've been meaning to go see it but never did

then it was gone

well I was looking in the paper and noticed that it was playing at the Dobie theater this Friday (yesterday)

now the Dobie theater is cool

that's a bit of an understatement

it's kind of an artsey theater

there are four screens,each with a different theme

Egyptian, French Tudor, Gargoyle Gothic and Space-Age Art Deco

I've only been in the Egyptian room 10 years ago to watch American Psycho

this one was playing in the Gargoyle Gothic

when I bought my ticket and walked in the room

it was almost pitch black

the only light was a few red lights in the ceiling

you couldn't even see the seats

all you could see were the gargoyles along the wall

I thought "this is freakin cool"

turns out the print of this movie is really weird

the cues are strange and it sometimes flips out

and it affects the lights

so the house lights were turned off

the attendant told us that after she appologized for us coming into this spooky room

already I'm loving this experience

so here's the premise of the flick:

a French filmmaker takes an interest in street artists and becomese fasinated with Banksy

He attempts to include Banksy in his documentary

however Banksy turns the tables on him and makes him the focus of the film

that's a very simple explination to a very amazing story

this might be my new favorite movie

def my favorite documentary

it has the Big V seal of approval

run, don't walk to go see this flick

Exit Through the Giftshop is what it's called

Beer, Beer Everywhere...

The Beer Off is under way!

this blog will be updated throughout the month

WEEK ONE
all I have to say for the kickoff is...awesome

that event started a little ripple

who knows what that one ripple will turn into

the amount of people and outsiders that came together out of the curious factor was impressive

I got this text from Raul 4 days after the party:
"We had some damn great times this last weekend. My compliments on the line of entertainment u provided."

considering he hates to feed my ego, for him to send that is huge

anywho, these were the two new beers for that night:
Abbey Belgian Style Ale

Weihenstephaner
WEEK TWO
tonight is back to the original beer off

it's back to just me alone trying new beers

here they are:
Celebrator Dopplebock

Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier

and here's tonight's entertainment a double feature:

I think I might need a third beer
oh hell yeah!

so these were added to week one:

Mothership Wit
Dead Guy Ale

I had the Dead Guy Ale with my bro, Rube

he joined me in this new beer

funny story

we were at a ritzy resturant and ordered the Dead Guy ale

someone walked by to check on us and said

you guys ordered the... then he mumbled something we couldn't understand

so we just said yes

when he left I asked Rube, "What did we order?"

Rube just laughed

well after we waited forever, Rube asks the waiter

"what's taking so long, we just ordered beer."

the guy said you didn't order the antelope kabobs

we just looked at each other

then said "the what?"

the waiter said again "antelope kabobs"

I'm thinking "what the F is this guy saying to us?"

so we said "no, we ordered two Dead guy Ales"

they apologize and bring us our beer and the kabobs on the house

so there's the plate and for some reason Rube was hesitant to try some

he asks if I'm gonna try it

I told him, "You know me, I can't eat and drink."

so he asks "is it ok to eat this?"

I said "meat is meat"

then I told him I went to a hunter's bbq

there was all kinds of meat there and it all tasted the same to me

he had some but didn't like it

I think he couldn't get the idea of a reindeer out of his head

later we went to a hooka bar

and I smoked a hooka with him

we were cracking up about how we must look

then I cracked him up by holding the pipe of the hooka and saying "tell me more about this.."

paused

took a puff

pffft

"beer off"

man he lost it

also Rube's co-worker is learning sign language

Rube taught me the sign for love

we kept doing that all night

I told him in sign I love drinking

i didn't know the sign for drinking so i just lifted my hand like a glass and drank out of my thumb

Rube cracked up

later we were listening to people karaokeing

and some fat chick was tearing it up

Rube signed that he loved it

man I cracked up

it was great times with RED

One Last One Before I Go...

here's the full details

what I've done is put a list of the 12 best and toughest beers I've drank in the previous 4 Beer Off's

here they are in no particular order:

Paulander Hefenweisen Killians Irish Red
Kirin Ichiban Red Stripe
Sierra Nivada Blue Moon
Long Hammer IPA Warsteiner
Shiner Bock Boddingtons Pub Ale
Two Mystery Beers

And last but certainly not least, Arrogant Bastard

so how this works is, we have 6 people that are going to drink at least 12 of these

here's the lineup and the brave souls:
Tyson The Gentleman
Gabe Raul
yours truly

and a mystery participant(I'm short one person)

who will be brave enough to step up?

Kate the Great is making a wheel that has all these beers

we'll spin the wheel to see which beer we'll drink

we'll do this 12 times

any duplicate spins will get the left right or across to it method

we may not have to drink the Bastard

it's not a race

we'll write the beer we're on down and you drink at your own pace

this will take all night

so Kate is also planning events and games and stuff

of course there will be plenty of pics

and I'll be shooting some footage for my own personal project for the new year

as for my day

I have a family reunion to attend hours before the beer off

I might buy a variety pack

which means I will probably drink 18 different beers today

above and beyond baby

here's a quick ha ha

everyone is stepping up and buying two 6 packs

which is great because aside from the cost

that would mean that I would have to drive home with 78 beers

damn I might as well throw my shotgun in the truck with me

if I get pulled over and asked where I'm going with all that beer and a loaded shotgun

I can tell the cop,

"The DeLuna Family reunion."

Sometimes When You Sleep With Your Landlord...

So file this story under the "less I forget" category

I was reminded of this gem a couple of weekends ago

I never put it in print

as the Joker would say, "Let's rewind the clocks back a year"

...and a half

I had just moved back to Austin

Rube had found me a sweet little efficency on the east side of Austin

I got a job at AT&T

my landlord, Manny was a greaseball of a man

a medium built Mexican man

he always wore bowling shirts

he always was chewing gum

he always had a beer in his hand

and he always wore shades

and looked over the top of them when he spoke to you

he seemed sleezy to me

the first week I moved in he called and invited me to a sports bar

dude, I do not want to party with my landlord

his wife was pretty nice although I forget her name

anyway Manny explained that my neighbor is also starting a job at AT&T

I eventually met her

her name was Liz

I thought well cool, we work together, live next to each other, maybe we could be friends

well I thought wrong

this chick was weird

she had the deepest voice I ever heard

and I'm including men

no one liked her at work

and she wasn't very social

at all

oh well

I had my plate full with all my rowdy friends

I had a different visitor every weekend at that little house

come Christmas time I decided to hang some xmas lights on my fence

meanwhile Liz would tell me how Manny always hit on her

she was always grossed out

then one day she told all of us in the breakroom that she slept with him

we were all blown away

especially me cause I know the slimeball

Liz explained she was trying to get free rent

her husband, yes she's married, was not home and on one of Manny's visits she made the moves

man, you never know what goes on behind closed doors

can you imagine me hanging X-mas lights humming "Sleigh bells ring are you listening?"

then two men moaning,
man one:mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmn
man two:ahhhhhhhhhhh
man one:oooooooooooh
man:mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmn

I stop hammering and look around

shrug my shoulders thinking "someone is playing street fighter...walking in a winter wonderland."

so for some reason Liz tells her husband what she did

this guy flips out

he makes Liz call the landlord's wife and tell her what happened

the wife goes nuts

not only does Liz not get free rent

but she gets evicted

and Manny and his wife get a divorce

well I'm in this place month to month

I needed to move in Jan

and with deposit for the new place and other bills

I couldn't afford to pay my last months rent

and since I never filled out a contract

there was no legal agreement

so I just walked out without paying my last month's rent

so sometimes when you sleep with you landlord

your neighbor gets free rent

The Best Shit Story I've heard so Far...

and I've heard some great shit stories

but this one cracked me up

and I personally know the offender

but for the protection of the innocent I won't reveal names

so anyway former KAVU weekend meteorologist Kurt Jonston told me a few months ago

he said he was driving around Austin and was feeling the bubble guts

he was cramping something awful

he knew it was not gonna be good

it was the screaming shits

so he needed to find a spot quick

and I won't say where he decided to land his chocolate starfish for legal reasons

so anyways he stops in at the Bookpeople bookstore at 603 North Lamar Boulevard
Austin, TX 78703


he says he stopped there because he knew there was gonna be nice restrooms there

so he's running to the restroom and knows it's gonna be a photo finish

he gets to the restroom and opens a stall door

as he's pulling his pants and shorts down he notices the toilet lid is covered with piss

well he's in full "Backing the big brown motor home out of the garage" mode

and he doesn't have time to pick another stall

so his answer is to shit while hovering over the toilet bowl

the only problem is his aim is off and the pressure was a little greater than expected

so the force of holding in this growler sprayed the back end of the toilet

it immediately makes Kurt laugh and of course makes him bend over further

and the laughing produces some extra firepower

now with his ass pointed higher he is now spaying shit all over the wall behind him

still laughing

and probably gagging a little too

he finishes and cleans up

and gets the hell out of Dodge

now we all know we get grossed out when we see a floater left in a public restroom

can you imagine the poor bastard that walked in on all this shit?

anyway you're welcome

Stone Cold's Twitter Account...

the pic of the sundown was done with my iphone...i couldnt sleep last night so i replaced the battery pack with a new high performance...
dilithium crystal...swapped out the optics with a miniaturized custom Zeiss lens that i resized and interfaced into the iphone casing...
after making the necessary modifications to the autofocusing modulators and then retrofitted a professional grade stabilizer to ensure...
picture clarity and enhance color saturation via a double drop coil transducer that feeds into a highly modified memory chip that i...
tricked out with a 100GB capacity that uses technology that i picked up when i was working on the Hubble space Telescope back when i was...
still working with NASA...anyhoo...long story short...my iphone totally kicks ass...and i am now incorporating a swiss army knife into...
the casing...should be done with that soon...it will probably be the only swiss army iphone with a Dilithium Crystal in existence...
when completed i will sell it on ebay to raise research money for my new laboratory project which is classified as Top Secret. word

he then goes on:
oh no...i think i screwed up..i made the antenna too strong..just got a collect call from Saturn and Jupiter..at least it wasnt from Uranus.

and finally:
morning folks..slept in today until 7..then i heard some noise outside...i count 22 space ships parked in my front yard..gonna check it out.

I'm sorry but that's funny

A Short History of The Great American Beer Off...

Ok so this all started in the Summer of 2006

and it's all thanks to the opening of the HEB plus in V-town

that's all I heard about when it opened

so I got tired of it and told everyone to shut up about the HEB plus

but then someone asked me," Vince have you been to the beer section there?"

I had not

so it was recommended to me to go and visit it

I went and was impressed with the beer selection

then I realized I knew nothing about beer

I had only had MGD,Budweiser and BUd light

what a shame

so since July was around the corner I decided that all through July I would drink a different beer every weekend

I called it the Great American Beer Off

that was five years ago

my how I've grown

I've had Hefenweizens,a lot of Shiner, dark beers, pale ales, German beers, lagers, IPA's,Mexican, homemade beers, American, Irish,Japanese, Jamacian, a lot of the Sam Adams...etc

if the som bitch has wheels I can drive it now

so this July starts the 5th Beer Off

and I've got quite the plan for this year

it all starts with the kickoff July 3rd

I Have a Dennis Hopper Story

So, I'm not gonna sit here and pretend to be a Dennis Hopper fan

cause I'm not

but I do rescpect the hell raisers

and those who make life just a little more exciting

so I went to a midnight movie a few months ago

Mad Dog Morgan

the director was there and was telling stories about the making of the flick

it starred a young Dennis Hopper

one story in particular made me smile

the director said that Dennis was doing so many drugs and drinking so heavily

that he began to think Dennis would not live to the end of production

so they came up with a brilliant plan

they shot all the close up shots with Dennis first

then they had a Dennis Hopper mask made

it would be in the event that Hopper died

when casting the mask Hopper asks what the mask is for

the director made a scene up on the spot

he said," there's a scene where you're riding on the streets and you look up to see yourself staring at you from a window."

then the room explodes and you ride off

Dennis said "far out."

of course that would never be filmed

well the shooting wrapped up and everyone was cleared to go home

then Dennis asked the director about that scene with the mask

the director had no choice but to call everyone back in to shoot that scene

complete with explosion

great story

R.I.P.

White Girl Drunk II

Unlike the previous blog with that title

this one is not about me getting white girl drunk

so the other day I went to go see Robert Cray at Antones with my brother-in-law


great show

thanks for asking

while I was there I came across a sight I see quite often

I thought I'd make a few comments here

you see,

I'm an old soul when it comes to music

I like blues, soul, and r&b

and all that jazz

oh and jazz

I go to Clapton, BB King and Pink Floyd concerts

while I'm in the prime of my life

most of the fans that go to those type of shows are

how do I say this

aren't

so there are some older dudes that might take their kids

because there are some young peeps in the crowd

then there are the "ladies"

oh yeah!!!

the drunk white old ladies

I see them all the time at these shows

you know the ones that look like "a hot mess"

you can't tell who they're with

cause they're swaying and grinding in place

but no one will get up next to them

I have a couple of theories on these ladies

first is the "I haven't been home yet" lady

this is the one that is wearing the same outfit from work

you know that blue lady suit dress thing with a skirt

she has a drink after work and winds up at the Cray show

I bet she couldn't even name one Robert Cray song

actually neither could I

sorry Robert

then there's the "I live for this shit" lady

this is the one either knows Robert Cray or just loves Antones

or whatever venue she's at that night

she's the same age as the "I haven't been home yet" lady

but dresses like her daughter

actually I imagine she's home and right before her daughter comes home from school

she sneaks into her room and takes the trashiest outfit her daughter owns

mom probably bought it for her thinking "fuck yeah, I'll look hot in that at the Floyd show"

she changes on the spot and takes off for the pre-show to get her drink on

so now here I am in the back watching Robert Cray doing his thing


so now I see about 3 or 4 of them stacked in the crowd before me

there are 1 "I haven't been home yet" ladies

and 3 "I live for this shit" ladies

and of course there's a "I live for this shit" lady in front of me

this is my thought process:

"great an 'I live for this shit lady'"

"man, she's looking at me"

"Oh shit I bumped her head when I took a drink from my beer"

"oh no, she's turning around"

"she looks like a hot mess"

"she's saying she's sorry"

"she's squeezing my arm while applogizing"

"oh crap are you flexing, Vince?"

"Yeah, sorry it's a habit"

"stop it she's like 50"

"I know, I know I'm sorry"

meanwhile I'm missing this


then it cuts to the daughter going into her room

to see a dress suit skirt thingy on the floor

anyway, I ignore her and now I'm next to the "Who are you here with? No one man" man

he's the same age as the "I live for this shit" and "I haven't been home yet" ladies

and dresses like it

and has long hair

long grey hair

and loves Robert Cray

or blues

or just being out of the house

he starts to talk to me

at a concert

after a few minutes of bugging me

he sees the ladies

then says to me

"Now that's where I wanna be"

it was like a gross nature show

a "who are you here with? No one man" man woking his way into the crowd to dance with a "I haven't been home yet" and "I live for this shit" lady

anyway thanks Robert Cray, I love you!!!

My First Trip to CiCi's Pizza

Before I start please don't get offended

this entry is for shits and giggles

and if anything it highlights my limitations

enjoy:

So I live really close to the point where North Lamar intersects and goes past Hwy183

whenever you cross that barrier you are no longer in Austin TX

you are now in Mexico

well I kinda work over there and I was running some errands in that area

let me tell you some of the things I saw

you know how you see an old couch next to a dumpster sometimes

well someone had moved an old beat up couch next to a bus stop

because in Mexico there are no benches at the bus stop

just the sign post

I am so not kidding

I wish I could have taken a picture

a shitty couch right next to a bus stop sign

those are my people

the next sight was a hoot

I saw a lady coming out of a laundromat with a shopping cart

on top of the shopping cart was her basket of clothes

on top of the clothes

a baby

a real life baby

man I wish I had a damn camera

those are my people

anyway I hadn't had lunch yet and I saw a sign that read "Pizza Buffet 3.99!"

well I love pizza and I hadn't eaten yet

and that was quite a deal

I've never had Ci Ci's pizza before

but pizza is pizza

note:some pizza is pizza

it wasn't all bad but..

certain pizzas had a cheese like sauce instead of cheese

think of the marinara sauce

now replace that with cheese

anyway I walk into the place and it's packed

I've never seen so many shades of brown

it was like I walked into the locker room of the Ups drivers

just some brown people

like my friend Paulie said, "...man, they were Brown like Bad News Brown."



anyway I pay for the meal and pick out my pizza

at this point I notice every employee speaks broken English

they ask me," You ok?" as I'm looking at the pizza

it's at this time I notice the only pizza they have is pepperoni, cheese, or hamburger

later whenever I take the Swagger they branch off to a include a taco pizza (no joke)

I then realize I can't order anything because I doubt they'll know what a Hawaiian pizza is

I'd probably get a cinnamon roll

so then I sit down amongst my people

man I felt like a M&M

in a bag of M&M's

an employee busting tables looks up and says to a group of new customers walking in

"Hi, welcome to Ci Ci's!"

then comes up to me and asks me something in Spanish

I think he wants my empty plates

then asks me in Spanish if I want a refill

then looks at a group of new customers walking in and says

"Hi, welcome to Ci Ci's!"

then I'm thinking that must be the only english this guy knows

this is what the chapter must look like in the training manual in regards to English:


just one page there in that chapter

maybe I should have learned to speak Spanish

it's not my fault that as a kid I was surrounded by black people

Pebbles and Sand...

So lately I've been getting encouragement to try and publish my blogs

I kept all the previous ones and have them on a thumbdrive

I'm not sure why I kept them but I did

maybe I did think one day I would try to publish them

I have to admit

I am curious as to what would happen if a larger audience heard my story

but I'm overwhelmed

I don't know where to start

I'm out of my league here

I don't know where to start

and it won't be easy

but it does feel like I'm standing before my own doors to destiny

but right now all I see are pebbles and sand up close

when this is over hopefully I'll see the beach



stay tuned...

"The Batman...

or is it just Batman?
Your choice of course."-Selina Kyle, Batman Returns 1992

The funniest thing I've seen in a while...(He flips the kid ha ha ha)

The Swagga, Kurt Johnston, and The Grim Reaper

So I'm in the middle of a visit from the Swagga

he's the guy I helped sneak into Coachella two years ago

this is the third time he's come to Texas to visit me since then

it's kinda nice to represent a whole state for this guy

he got here Thursday around 11pm

he called me and said he needed to run an errand when he got into Austin

He wanted to know if I wanted him to drop off his stuff at the house and then leave or come over later

I told him it doesn't matter and I asked if he wanted me to go with him

he said, "well I know you have to get up in the morning, I don't want to put you out."

I told him," Swagga as long as I don't drink I can stay up as late as I want."

his response was, "Tuna, who says we're not gonna drink."

ha ha I love my friends

this is gonna be fun

I get about 4 hours of sleep Thurs night

Friday Raul comes into town and we get in touch with Kurt Johnston

so now it's the four of us

the place that we meet Kurt is a coffee house

it's blues night

I felt a little weird for taking Swagga to a coffee house on a Friday night to listen to blues in Austin

he's more a man of action than that

but what sold me is that since it was gonna be four dudes hanging out we needed some lovely ladies to hang out with

and Kurt said the girl guy ratio was 3 to 1

it was very "different"

first off this place looks like and is about the size of a subway restaurant

when we get in there they're playing some blues

and just about everyone in the place is dancing

actually they're "dirty" dancing

I guess that's the only way to dance the blues

and they're all sweating

making our way to the bar to order a drink felt like being surrounded by insects

they were all moving and swaying all over the place

sometimes you had to join the dance just to maneuver around them

so we get our beer and sit down with Kurt

Swagga then learned the beautiful joy that is the beer, Lone Star

I've been on a huge Lone Star kick because they're cheap and I'm always broke

he's never had a Lone Star and was jealous that California doesn't have it's own beer

just another great thing about Texas

by the way he loved this beer and hated Shiner Bock beer

the place we sat at just happens to be the "water table"

it's a watering hole for the dancers

they come over to this area all sweaty and rehydrate themselves

so this led to a lot of interaction with the dancers

it took no time for someone to ask me to dance

which is no surprise

but then I notice that someone asked Raul to dance

that was a surprise

then I look to my right and Kurt is dancing

then to my left the Swagga is dancing

so we're all dirty dancing

so basically all the girls are here to dance and they try to dance with a different guy every song

that's what one dancer told me

then she said that they are all followers which means it's ad-lib dancing

they're all trained to follow the guys' leads no matter how they dance or what moves they do

there are a few rules:
1) No beer on the dance floor. You spill your beer on the floor not on the girls.
2)Whenever you grind you do it on the chest. Never touch your crotch to theirs.
3)Don't ask for phone numbers. Not only will you get turned down on a possible second dance but hookups are no nos.

now if you know anything about me I don't like rules

so here are a few things I did to shake the place up:

I told a girl she looks like Molly Shannon from SNL

she got so pissed she walked away from me

I told one girl that she was tiny

she almost walked away from me while we were dancing

at the bar I loudly told Kurt I wanted to dance with a man

he pointed to a guy next to us at the bar and said," why don't you ask him."

I turned and looked at the guy and smiled

he couldn't pay for his beer fast enough and get out of there

I lost my scarf and asked a couple who took my seat if they were sitting on my scarf

when they got up to look and said no I asked them, "do you want to?"

they just stared at me

when we were leaving instead of grabbing the girls head to lean it towards me so I could kiss her forehead I accidentally gave her a legitimate thumb to the eye

we left it at that and left because Swagga was getting bored and he was frustrated with all these damn rules

Swagga looks like a football jock and talks like a surfer dude

and he's a fuck machine

Raul is not on the other hand and wanted to stay because of all the attention he was getting

but I talked him into leaving and we took Kurt with us

so we took Swagga to 6th street where he was surrounded with people

we stopped at the first bar we saw and got a few more drinks and a couple of shots

then I said let's go play with the zombies on 6th street

We got to talking about the seasons and season 3

Kurt came up with the idea that Swagga should do an intro to season three with some crack head on the street

you know, "welcome to season three!"

I loved it and we went looking for one

we got split up during a high five challenge

Kurt was with me helping me keep count

we came across a girl puking on the street

Kurt suggested I ask her

ha ha I declined

we ran into the Grim Reaper

it was a homeless man dressed up as the Grim Reaper with a black faceless hood

he would stand on a box and let people take pictures with him

pretty genius

So Kurt and I decided that he would be better than a crack addict

well he very well might be so it was a win win situation

while asking him about the intro he kept asking us what time it was

he was starting to panic

so I looked at my phone and told him 2:30 am

he jumped off his box and frantically tried to get his tip bucket

all he would say is the "horses are coming!"

apparently at two thirty Austin police sweeps the streets on horse and gets the area ready for the streets to re-open

so he's panicking because he's dead center in the street and one time he got knocked down and tangled in the horses and got pretty hurt

so now I'm trying to help and actually hurting because I didn't realize the tip bucket was strapped to him and now he's tangled

then he shouts "here they come!"

and when I turn to look I swear to god they looked like ring wraiths

I saw them turn the corner and they looked to be moving in slow motion through a fog

what a weird night I'm having

anyway we get in touch with Raul and Swagga and while waiting for them we hang with the reaper takes his mask off and I now I'm just hanging with a bum

Swagga and Raul get here now and we make the intro

we came up with a pretty good idea

since Kurt and Swagga aren't in the seasons they should do the intro

"I'm Kurt JOhnston and I'm the swagga!"

then the Grim Reaper says, "..and this is Season Three!!!"

he was supposed to say welcome to season three but oh well

while eating street pizza Swagga make a pretty funny observation

he noticed the streets are shut down early in the night and opened up later whenever everyone is the drunkest

he said," good everyone's drunk now, let in the cars!"

then Swagga met some girl who was down in her life

he asked her what was wrong

she said she had been assaulted

so he asked her to tell him the story

then he told her to finish it with," Welcome to Season 3!!!"

man we laughed the whole way back to the car

man what a great night

I had to be at work at 5am

and it was now 4:20 am