Sometimes When You Sleep With Your Landlord...

So file this story under the "less I forget" category

I was reminded of this gem a couple of weekends ago

I never put it in print

as the Joker would say, "Let's rewind the clocks back a year"

...and a half

I had just moved back to Austin

Rube had found me a sweet little efficency on the east side of Austin

I got a job at AT&T

my landlord, Manny was a greaseball of a man

a medium built Mexican man

he always wore bowling shirts

he always was chewing gum

he always had a beer in his hand

and he always wore shades

and looked over the top of them when he spoke to you

he seemed sleezy to me

the first week I moved in he called and invited me to a sports bar

dude, I do not want to party with my landlord

his wife was pretty nice although I forget her name

anyway Manny explained that my neighbor is also starting a job at AT&T

I eventually met her

her name was Liz

I thought well cool, we work together, live next to each other, maybe we could be friends

well I thought wrong

this chick was weird

she had the deepest voice I ever heard

and I'm including men

no one liked her at work

and she wasn't very social

at all

oh well

I had my plate full with all my rowdy friends

I had a different visitor every weekend at that little house

come Christmas time I decided to hang some xmas lights on my fence

meanwhile Liz would tell me how Manny always hit on her

she was always grossed out

then one day she told all of us in the breakroom that she slept with him

we were all blown away

especially me cause I know the slimeball

Liz explained she was trying to get free rent

her husband, yes she's married, was not home and on one of Manny's visits she made the moves

man, you never know what goes on behind closed doors

can you imagine me hanging X-mas lights humming "Sleigh bells ring are you listening?"

then two men moaning,
man one:mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmn
man two:ahhhhhhhhhhh
man one:oooooooooooh
man:mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmn

I stop hammering and look around

shrug my shoulders thinking "someone is playing street fighter...walking in a winter wonderland."

so for some reason Liz tells her husband what she did

this guy flips out

he makes Liz call the landlord's wife and tell her what happened

the wife goes nuts

not only does Liz not get free rent

but she gets evicted

and Manny and his wife get a divorce

well I'm in this place month to month

I needed to move in Jan

and with deposit for the new place and other bills

I couldn't afford to pay my last months rent

and since I never filled out a contract

there was no legal agreement

so I just walked out without paying my last month's rent

so sometimes when you sleep with you landlord

your neighbor gets free rent