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Monday, September 26, 2011

Conversations With Paulie

On the Subject of People being smitten with me...

Me: ugh next month I'll be 37 all I want is no more blood in my unrine, a quiet place to take a shit and an occasional meatball sub and if I want sex I'll get it in the parking lot of a shitty hole in the wall dive
Paulie:It's the American Dream.
Paulie: Actually that sounds like The American Dream's American dream
On the Subject of midget wrestling...

 Me: What the fuck is up with Hogan's Micro Championship Wresling?
Paulie: ha ha ha I haven't seen it.
Me: It's making me sick. It's like trying to eat a tuna fish sandwich in the same room as a dirty litter box.

On the subject of what's on the agenda for the evening...
Me: Paulie the den door is unlocked, just let yourself in.
Paulie: Why what's up?
Me: I'm gonna take a shit and then open my first beer of the night.

On greeting a new day...
Paulie: Morning turner
Me: Morning beary

On the Justice Leauge...
Paulie: I think DC is making Swamp Thing a member of the Justice League.
Me: In real life?

On my review of Fast Five...
Paulie: Tun can you talk?
Me: nah I'm at the movies with my nephew.
Paulie: What are you watching?
Me:Fast Five.
Paulie: How is it?
Me: I'd rather stare at the sun.

on the subject of Shawn White...


Me: Shaun White looks like a female teacher
Paulie:Ive always hated Shaun White. Get a haircut ginger! She has hair like she's hot but a face like she's gross.
 Me :He looks like a fresh fourth grade teacher with many years in front of her.
Paulie: This is Ms. White, she's our new 4th grade teacher fresh from tsu and that's when she responds with "I'm so nervous."
Me : wearing a tall lady dress. He looks like he's be a tall lady.
Paulie: Yeah and having the neckline where normally you'd see cleavage but all you see is collarbone.
Me : I keep thinking if lilly tomlin...


and Carol Burnet...


had a baby it would be Shaun White


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