Tuesday with The Swagger

So let me just jump right in

Swagger is back

he gets into town and picks me up

we're at the BArton Springs Saloon on South LAmar

so Swagger starts to mingle and I'm sitting there drinking 1$ Miller High Lifes

Swagger has two groups that want to party with him

he then sees a cute little country girl and her friend walk into the bar

he tells me "Cmon Tuna, let's go talk to them."

I say "Ok"

we go and ask if we could join the two girls at their table

the girls don't mind

So after chit chatting for a little bit, Swagger gets up and goes and checks on the other groups he's been working on

I stay and talk to the girls

we're getting along just fine

they're a couple of Florida girls that wanted a change of scenery

they did some research and said Austin kept showing up on the top of all the lists they looked at

one of the girls ,Shanna, reminded me of my old friend Crystal

I was taken a little aback by it

man those are some old feelings I haven't felt in a couple of decades

anyway we swap numbers and you may be hearing about them again

So it's time to go to the next place and Swagger picks a group he wants to party with

he tells me, "Tuna let's take these girls home. I'll take the ugly one and you can have the pretty one cause you've been so good to me."

I tell him, "Well why don't we just throw them in the mix together with you and me like a big ol stew."

I was half joking

when we were leaving I was getting in the car and saw this parked right next to me


Swagger is waiting for me to get in Smokey and unlock his door

but instead I'm saying, "Swagger come here."
Swagger:"What?"
me:"Come here."
Swagger:"What? Are you peeing?"
Me:"Come here."
Swagger:"Tuna you're worrying me."
Me:"Just come here."

he comes over and I show him the car

while snickering at it

then Swagger spears me

onto the car

we're both on top of this little gay car laughing our asses off

when we get off and get in the truck I say, "I hope we didn't deflate it."

so now we go to The Crow Bar

it's kinda a rough joint

there's some bikers and some very experienced looking ladies

upon entering the place there's a big lummox of a man sitting at the outside bar

he's one of those big goofs wearing a tight t-shirt letting the flies go in and out of his mouth

kinda like this:

I go right up to him and say hi

he says his name is Roger

I say "nice to meet you Roger"

then I follow Swagger and his group inside

they go up to the bar but I go and sit at a booth all by myself

since it's close to Halloween the bar is decorated as such

there's a guillotine right at the center of the bar

I see a man sitting by himself two booths away from me

I ask him if he thinks that's a real working guillotine

he tells me to put my head in it and find out

I tell him no thank you

then he tells me to come sit with him in his booth

I do

He asks for my name

Me:"Tuna"
Him:"I'm Batman."
Me:"no your not."
him:"Well youre making shit up, so , so am I."
Me:"No, people really call me Tuna."
HIm:"But when you were born, your mama did not name you Tuna."
Me:"No she named me Vincent Anthony DeLuna."
Him:"There you go, it's nice to met you Vincent, I'm James."

we shake hands

he tells me he built that guillotine

he goes on to tell me he's a master electrician and he's wired this whole bar

this whole time he's rolling a joint

then I tell him that he looks exactly like Michael PS Hayes

he says "really? Cause I've been told I look like Shawn Micheals."

Michael Ps Hayes just told me he's been told he looks like Shawn Micheals

Michael PS HAyes:


just told me he's been told he looks like Shawn Michaels:


not even when PS Hayes was 14 did he look like Shawn

anyway I laugh it off and James says

let's go smoke this joint

so I follow him outside and we toke it up

while smoking he tells me that if I ever get burned on my finger don't put the burn on my tongue but rather grab my ear lobe

he says it transfers the heat

then he says "I'll show you, I'll burn my finger then grab your ear."

I tell him ,"no, I'll burn my finger and grab my ear."

so he flicks his lighter and I put my finger in the flame

I leave it there so it can burn

then I take it away and then touch my earlobe

it....kinda....worked

when we were walking back in he asked, "it worked didn't it."

I told him, "Kinda, but it feels like I burned my finger and my ear now."

He laughed and we went back into the bar

I found Swagger sitting at the bar with the regulars

Swagger asks"Tuna, where the hell were you?"

I said, "I was getting high with the master electrician

then Swagger introduces me to everyone at the bar

it's quite the cast of characters and Roger

I tell them I already met Roger

ok now it's time to go home

Swagger wants to go back to the girls place and I agree

It was looking like Swagger was gonna ride with the girls

but then I saw it click with him that If left alone I would probably disappear

so Swagger sent one of the "ladys" to ride with me back to the place

this lady was a little bit um...piggy

and she was wasted

we took off and making small talk I told her I love her voice

it was very raspy like Jessica Rabbit

then she tells me I should hear her singing voice

without a moment to respond she starts to sing

really badly

a whole complete song

when she was done I said "wow, I've never heard a voice like that, you..."

she started to sing another song

then a jazz song

the whole time it felt like the judges on American Idol already said thank you but she kept trying to audition

we finally get to her house

but I don't see Swagger

I ask her if her friend is here

she said no

and to come upstairs

now I'm thinking great

I'm here with a last call lady

I haven't done that in a while

I want to leave

then I notice Roger sitting in his car in the parking lot

I ask the chick, "is that Roger?"

she says yes as she grabs my hand and tries to take me in

I tell her ,"look I gotta go, I don't feel so good all of a sudden."

she looks hurt

so I give her a christian side hug

as I go to my truck I look back and she's rushing up the stairs

she yells out "come on Roger!!!!"

Roger gets out of his car and goes upstairs