Letters From Mexico

Howdy from Mejico

also known as North Lamar

so I've had some strange encounters from the locals around here

I thought I'd jot a few of them down

first of all everyone speaks Spanish over here

even the Indians that work in the convience stores

and Target

and of course they all assume I do as well

of course I don't

we never learned

my mom told me when I asked her why we don't speak Spanish she said it creeped her out to hear children speaking Spanish

plus we'd never need it

so now everywhere I go in my "hood" I have to close my lips tight and shake my head at people who talk to me in Spanish

I was unloading my laundry one day and some vaquero next to me was trying to ask me why his clothes weren't dry

or to call 911

I can't tell

I don't speak spanish


it's to the point where I don't even speak now to say the polite thank you's, et al

so I'm at a corner store and buying a loaf of bread

who actaully does that?

I also picked up a quart of milk in a glass jar with the daily paper

I go up to the counter and without a word placed the bread on the counter

the cashier did not say a word to me

he spun the total readout thingy at the top towards me

I gave him the money and he handed me my change by putting his closed fist over my open hand and then opening his fist

what was left in my hand was a little rubber mouse

I stared at it and then him and turned my hand so the mouse fell out

he just smiled and then gave me my change for reals

this all took place without one word being spoken

it's so hard to tell these days if that was one of the most awkward things that has happened to me

then this morning I was going to work and was pretty hungry

I stopped at a Burger King because I was jonzing for a chicken sandwich

sure it's 5am but I wanted a chicken sandwich

I pull up to order:

me:(screaming cause I'm one of those people at the drive thru)"YES I'D LIKE A CHICKEN SANDWICH."
guy:(heavy mexican accent)"You want combo?"
me:"NO JUST THE SANDWHICH."
guy:"pull up pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese."

i do and get to the window

the guy is leaning at the window with a drink

guy:" You wanted a beescuit?"
me:"Um...no a chicken sandwich."
guy:"combo?"
me:"no just the sandwhich."
guy:"ok 5.89."
me:surprised "for a chicken sandwhich?"

the guy looks at the drink at his side and says
"it comes with a coke."
me:I didn't want the combo."
guy:"no combo it comes with a coke."

so now I'm confused and running late for work

me:well what kind is that?"
guy" a coke"
me: "well can I have a Sprite."

he dumps it out and pours me a Sprite

I'm still confused but its whatevers at this point

but I still think I'm being overcharged and ask him when he hands me the bag "don't I get fries or something?"

he says "oh yeah you get hash browns."

I'm thinking "In this non-combo."

then he says "and you get a free chicken sandwich. Buy one get one free."
me:"What?????!!!!!!"

this is too much

he forced a combo meal on me and sweetened it with an extra sandwich

I can't wait to get back to the good ol USA

I miss Texas and my wife

in that order