White Girl Drunk

So Paulie the Bear calls me up

he wants to come to Austin to see a band he likes

but Paulie is not the most confident big city driver

so he needed some motivation

I was able to talk him into driving up here

I was really proud of him

so he gets here and we hit the town

man, I got white girl drunk

here's what happened

first we went to a pub because the venue wasn't open yet

Paulie and I got two pints of some really good beer

I only drink about once a week now and had been awake since 3 am

so those two pints kinda hit me pretty early

then we cross the street and go into the club

Paulie goes to the merchandise table

and I go, yes thank you, to the bar

now usually the drinks they serve in these places are in the small clear plastic cups

and they're full price

but we were there so early my drink was pretty big

and it was a glass

later on they switched to small plastic cups

so I kept taking my original glass up to the bar and refilling it

we go and sit with some strangers (they said they were going to leave soon)

now we're sitting around cracking wise and yucking it up

and I must say I was in vintage form

the ol Big V charm was in full effect

they ended up staying cause we were raising hell at that little table

so I'm drinking these drinks like I breath air

I am hammered

we then move to the floor to see the band that paulie likes

by then I had worked the whole club

people kept coming up to me and talking to me

and I danced a few times

this club could tell I was having a blast

and they wanted to get on the ride that I was on

when the band takes the stage a girl says in my ear" do you smoke pot?"

and I say back to her, "I can be talked into it."

then she asks if I can get her a light

I ask a guy next to me then give her the lighter

she lights up her joint and I thought she was gonna pass the joint to me

but instead she locks lips with me and blows the smoke down my throat

she does this twice

I had the guy his lighter back and he laughs

Paulie has no idea what's going on because he's in front of me facing the stage watching the band

damn I bet that looked hilarious

a few minutes later I ask the girl "Hey can I give the guy a hit for letting us use his lighter?"

she says sure and hands me the joint

but it wasn't a joint

ok, stay with me on this

so there's this new device that's a fake cigarette

I've been seeing the commercials at work for these

it's to help people quite smoking

it's for smokers who are craving a cigarette

it produces a smoke like vapor that's harmless

it has a battery and a glowing tip like a real cigarette

but it's kinda bulky

this chick packed it with pot

so she hands me this and I just stare at her

then I say, "What the hell is this?"

she says, "It's a joint."

I purposely give her shit over how ridiculous this looks

and tell her the guy's gonna think I'm messing with him

I'm gonna go over to him with this big fake ass cigarette

saying hey," you wanna get high?"

my eyes all big and a creepy smile

so I go over to him and say, "Hey man you want a hit?"

he does look at it a little weird but takes it anyway

now because it's plastic he sucks on it pretty hard to get the smoke going

and for some reason i'm cheering him on

again Paul misses all of this

so this band is from Norway

and this is the first time they're in Tx

man we rocked that place

I like to think I helped get the crowd going

The band loved us

when they finished I got the whole club chanting "ONE MORE SONG! ONE MORE SONG!"

they did come back and rocked some more

here's a sidenote

whenever a girl falls you automatically help her up and ask," are you ok?"

no matter how fat, skinny, old or young

that's just a rule of life

on the way out I fell so hard a dude helped me up and asked if I was alright

I can see it now

him helping me up with my fake joint bent in my mouth

at the end of the night it was pouring rain

so we sat in the club and waited out the rain

It was already past two and I was under the influence of everything at that point

so I tell Paulie lets just run to the car

he agrees

soaked does not begin to describe how wet we got

I get dropped off and Paulie heads back to Vic

soaking wet

a few days later I called Paulie and he had a cold